Feeling disheartened

My husband has been diagnosed as ADHD and has been on meds for about a year. The medication has calmed his anger and frustration but he is still completely detached. When he is home it's as if he isn't even here...he doesn't respond to his name being called, doesn't engage in conversation...he's somewhere else mentally 98% of the time. After all the reading I have done I am realizing that this behavior most likely will never change. I feel sad and lonely, and am really worried that our marriage won't survive this. When I got a married, I wanted to spend my life with my friend and partner. But I don't see that emotional and mental connection ever happening between us. I feel that it is alot to ask for me to give up having that type of marriage. Right now I feel like I just have roommate and I sit waiting for the 2% of the time that he will actually interact with me. I am at a loss as what to do...

Sympathy for you KD

I'm sorry to hear it KD.  I have no good advice, or at least none that should be heard without a balancing opinion. I'm far too angry over my husband's behavior to be advising anyone else what to do about it.

I'll just express my sympathies. I'm sorry for how the rejection and dismissal make you feel.  I wish to express validation to you, understanding how and why you feel the way you do. It's the normal reaction to receiving so much consistent rejection like that.

I hope you can find some helpful advice here and in literature about ADHD to help you cope.

To kdmccall

Have you talked with your husband about how the medications make him feel?  It may be that he feels such a stake in diminishing his anger and frustration (perhaps for your sake?) that he is ignoring feeling "damped down", which sometimes ADD meds can do.  I would also suggest that if he is REALLY somewhere else 98% of the time then he isn't being fully treated.  Check for depression, or perhaps another ADD med that helps with distraction.

Presumably when you married your husband he interacted with you and you were happy together.  Since this is the case, you should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he can be that way again if the two of you are able to acheive a good balance.  It took my husband 4 years after he started treating his ADD to finally get to a point of balance with me (and me the same time...I was part of that, too).

I always tell people when I write something like this that I am not a doctor and cannot diagnose.  But I was once clinically depressed, and what you describe sounds familiar....

Don't give up hope!