Feeling fed up and quiet

I looked for this forum out of sheer desperation.  I am SOOOOOOOOOOO... fed up with my husband.  I am not even sure if/how much I care anymore.  I didn't get married until my late 40s and had been a single, independent, professional woman until then.  I adopted a couple of children along the way on my own and our life was good - not perfect, but comfortable.  I married to enhance my life and share it with someone.  What I have gotten instead is a whirlwind of chaos, embarrassment and shame in this sham of a marriage.  It feels crazy.  I feel like I have two choices - (1) live in this clutter and chaos - being responsible for every detail because my husband can't/won't handle things and swallow the anxiety and frustration that I feel; or (2) pack his bags and put them on the boulevard.  (The house is in my name.);  My husband talks a good game and can be a very kind and loving person - on his terms.  Things around here are a mess.  His ADHD drives me crazy and he doesn't take personal responsibility to make it better.  Oh he will go to a counselor or get meds if I insist, but it is just for awhile.  As soon as things "calm down" (aka I "calm down") he tinkers around the edge of the issues for awhile, but eventually he goes back to his old ways.  Last year I found out that he hadn't filed income taxes for 3 out of 4 years we were married.  (We filed separately because he had a huge debt to the IRS when we got married.) When I told him to move out because of the lies, he really started to get his act together.  Short lived though.  He exhibits the responsibility of a teenager - inconsistent and wanting someone else to take care of things for him.  And NO WAY am I willing to sign on for that.  When I talk to him about things that are bothering me - like totally destroying the kitchen and leaving it for me to cope with (for days and days if possible) while he reads downstairs - he either makes me the wicked witch and him the victim... or he gives me this half smile like "what about you?"  Am I perfect?  Not on your life... but I don't live in the extremes that he presents.  It drives me crazy.  He can't hear well - refuses to keep his hearing aids in - (has lost two pair at the cost of 4 - 6k per set), and then sulks when I don't want to sit and shout to have a conversation with him.  He never took care of his teeth and now has lost one of his front ones.  At age 60 and a professional pastor - I go in public with him only to have him open his mouth and without his false teeth.  He refuses to keep a calendar and then agonizes or bothers everyone to find out when/where things are going to happen.  His car is  unbelievable it is so packed and filthy ... then he wants to use mine when we go anywhere or have to transport someone.  I could go on and on.  Now on other things... he is like clock work... always mows the lawn, takes out the garbage to the curb on Friday mornings, etc.  So... makes me think that some of this is choice on his part too.  His comment is usually that he doesn't understand why I can't "overlook" things or help him (aka take care of him).  I detest him a lot of the time, quite honestly, and my life becomes more separate from him while under one roof day by day.  I made a commitment to this marriage and I would like to honor it.  But I am so miserable and I feel like I have been robbed of my dignity when I am with him.  He just doesn't seem to care and I have no desire to take care of him.  Feedback anyone?  I don't even want to argue with him - I just want him to go away.  Help!