Feeling Helpless and lost

I am A Mother of 2 lil Gentle Men and I've been Blessed with a Caring, Loving and Understanding husband. I have been recently diagnosed with ADD, But my doctor stated that he was not sure now of what I have???? Hello Doc. Ok, I’ll be nice..

One of my children has PDD (A form of autism) and my husband is currently incarcerated. Now how have I been copping with all of this. I guess I've learned to survive it all. I look at it like its an adventure. But as of right now I think part of My adventure is ending soon. My husband has been the rock of the family since we’ve meet. I admit I’ve grown to depend on him to much for a lot of things, and now he seems to be very tiered of dealing with my compulsive actions and he’s stated that he feels like I don’t Love him enough to get it together.

We’ve tried medications but I didn’t feel like they were helping (ok, maybe for a week or two) My husband said they were. I tried to explain it to my Dr. but he just wanted to try some thing else on me. Know I stopped going to that Dr. Because I feel that if he’s going to just change meds like that he should run some kind of test on me, to see what is going on. Or am I just being to anal? But in regards to my choice my husband seems to be upset and I’m not sure of what to do.

May I add: I’m not a fan of taking medication.

My Family means the World to me and right now I need to get me right, cause they need me right. I am admitting it I need help but I want the right help.. Can some one Please Help Me?

to feeling helpless and lost

I have to say that I'am sorry for your adventure really it sounds more like a challenge. Is your hubby incarcerated for long? Its good to admit that you need help because then change can happen.As far as the right help its so hard to know what would work to help you. One lady said acupuncture really helped her adhd hubby. Have you ever tried that? As far as the doctor changing your meds unfortunately theres no certaintys in knowing which or how much medicine would help someone with adhd. I would guess that he was trying different meds to see which would help you the most. But its important to feel comfortable with your doctor. I would recommend not to  give up so quickly on medicine. My adhd/alcoholic hubby stopped taking his concerta because he said it made him feel weird like he was taking cocaine. But the medicine did help him and he was doing good while on it although it has been trial and error for him. If the doctor doesn't even know what you have then perhaps it was wise to stop going. Perhaps a psychiatrist would help more and they know more about the meds than a md. I know you don't like medicine neither do I understand  I had to buckle down and take meds for my chronic muscle problems. I would really urge you to get some counseling you have alot you are dealing with. also a support group for your son and his autism.  I also hope you take advantage of the posts here there is alot of good information from so many people. I'am not a expert just a mom of 4  looking for answers as well.I will be praying for you and hope your days will be better ahead.

Feeling Helpless and Lost - Give Meds a Chance

I think Optomistic is right about trying to give the meds. a chance.  There are many stigmatisms around medications.  For the person taking it, they sometimes feel like they are "weak" for taking medication or like there is something wrong with them -- like they should be able to get by on their own without medication.  When others hear that someone is taking medication for a mental disorder, they too can summise that a person is "weak."  The truth of the matter is, if you need it...you need it.  It does not make you weak or needy.  If a person with diabetes needs insulin to survive, we don't call them "weak."  It is the same for a person with any kind of mental illness or disorder. 

Most medications take time to work.  I have heard that with most mental disorders, a patient should give the medication at least 3 months before they notice a change.  The body will absorb the properties of the medicine and react to it (or not).  Sometimes the medicine seems to work for a short amount of time and then stop working.  This could mean that you need a higher dose or a different medication.  Unfortunately there is a lot of trial and error when it comes to medication as we are all different sizes with different needs.  Doctors are not God and a lot of times they are making educated guesses.  Of course if you do not feel comfortalbe with you doctor, you should find a new one.  I know we would all love to know how to make the symptoms go away and find an immediate cure for ADD/ADHD but for now, all we can do is try different things to see what works the best.

I, for one, don't like to take medication.  I was on antidepressants for years (after being diagnosed with depression).  However, once I got over the stigmatism I realised I needed it and I wish I had gone on it (medication) sooner.  After I became pregnant with my 1st child, my hormone levels changed and I was able to stop taking the medication.  Now I just have acupuncture treatments, eat right, try to get the sleep I need and exercise.   Some people (like my husband) do better with both treatments (acupuncture AND medication).  You might have to experiment for a while to find out what works best for you.

Most of all, know that you have a lot to give to others in this world.  Don't get caught up on the stigmas of taking medication and know that you have to evaluate the quality of your life and how you want to live it.  If medication will make the quality of your life better, it is best to consider it.

God bless you.

Helpless and Lost

May I suggest that you think about how to measure the effectiveness of your meds differently?  There are two things to think about:

  1. Whether meds improve specific symptoms that are getting in the way of your life (lack of focus etc) and that you recognize the meds are helping
  2. Whether meds improve specific symtpoms getting in the way of your relationships with others or life, whether you recognize they are helping or not

My husband feels as if he has no idea that his meds are working - he can't "feel" them.  But to the outside observer it's very obvious that the meds are helping him with many of his symptoms.  This is the IDEAL reaction to meds, and it sounds as if that is just what you had going while you were trying them.

It's okay if you don't feel them, as long as you and others see improvement in specific symptoms.  Believe your friends and your husband when they say things look better to them.  This is important input, particularly if you are in a situation as my husband was where his ADD symptoms were impacting our relationship for the worse.  Start with their comments as a baseline (and the meds you were trying that provided relief) then, if you STILL see OTHER symptoms that are bothering you, modify the med regimen so that you get the base improvements PLUS others.  That might be different dosing or different meds.

Also, get a different doctor.  This one doesn't sound ideal for this because he should have had this conversation with you - sounds as if he's in too much of a hurry to help you adequately and discuss what you are feeling.

You might also try fish oil, meditation, exercise and other alternative treatments.  I'm not a fan of taking meds, either (in fact I hate to even take Advil) BUT there are times and conditions when it can help.  You sound concerned enough that they warrant another look with a better doctor.

You're Not Alone

Dear Helpless and Lost, I too am an adult woman with ADHD, having been diagnosed about 8 years ago at the Hallowell Center (shortly after my oldest child was diagnosed with the same.) I strongly suggest reconsidering medication. Think of it as you would a pair of glasses to correct your vision. When I decided to try medication, it took several different trials of various meds to find one that worked well for me; Adderall. Today, I take the newer version of Adderall, called Vyvanse, that lasts 24 hours. Since finding this medication, my world changed entirely and for the better. My impulsivity and many other behaviors that caused me problems, simply stopped or lessened so significantly they went unrecognized. Additionally, with these 'pesky' behaviors in check, I have been able to enjoy and capitalize on the many other creative and intellectual gifts my brain affords me. Gifts I couldn't appreciate before. I strongly recommend the book 'Women with ADD' by Sari Solden. It changed my life. Good luck in your journey and know you are not alone. God Bless. Jeanne