I've been married for over 10 years and have 3 children. My husband has been diagnosed for about a year now. I feel overwhelmed all the time. We ague constantly. I just end up not wanting to talk, because what is the use when the person on the other side isn't listening to you. He tells me he can't help it, that's just how he is. He tells me I need to change my perspective of things and accept that he just cant listen to me. I'm just not sure how a marriage can work like that let alone the business we have together. I feel like I just do not matter at all, I am constantly being talked over and ignored. I feel helpless to do anything about it. I can handle most of the things that go along with his ADD, the messy house, misplacing things, disorganized, disproportionate chores (i don't like it but i accept it), but what i cant tolerate is the not being herd, ignored, the lack of respect that he shows me.
I am by no means perfect I get upset and have had a tendency to yell at him. I'm trying to not do that by walking away until I have calmed down, but he will follow me around, corner me at times and just not give me space to relax. The worst spot for us is in the car, I can't get out when an argument gets carried away and I end up crying and get more worked up. He continues to talk to me in a very unproductive way, even though i have said I do not want to talk or I cant talk. I feel like at times he is trying to push my buttons and make me go crazy by telling me constantly there is something wrong with me. He has no concept of personal boundaries. I have been told for years now that everything is in my head and that there is nothing wrong with him, he now acknowledges he has ADD but insist there is noting he can to about it and I'm the one who needs to change. I feel like everything is always one sided, I have to do all the changing because he can't. That sounds more like a cop out to me, its the easy way out. I think there are many ways for him to get better but its just too hard for him. He has taken several different medications and none have worked and he is on yet another one. But, I believe that there has to be a real want to change on his part to help, and if he just has the mind set that nothing will work for him, i guess that's how it will be. I need to be listened to in a marriage and if I'm not I do not feel like I matter, or I count. I end up feeling like there is something wrong with me that I can't handle everything (and that's what he is telling me). I'm not superwoman and because I'm not the one with ADD I feel like I am expected to be. I am responsible for the majority home, work, kids, everything and on top not have my feelings or ideas validated. There is only so much a person should be expected to do. I have needs that should be met too, but are pushed aside because he has ADD.
I feel hopeless that i cant make everything better, I can only better myself but that alone wont save my marriage.