I was surfing the web today looking for some answers and I found your website, and it immediately looked helpful. My husband has ADHD, I don't. We met in Italy where he was stationed for the military, got married and I followed him here to the States. Our relationship has been pretty good...we have a 1 year old boy and a baby girl on the way. When my son was 10 months old, I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. In the months prior to this "discovery", I believe our relationship sunk. The communication stopped and he went looking for attention talking to random people online. He did everything behind my back, and I just recently found out that he was having cyber sex and God knows what else while online. I got really hurt and asked me not to lie anymore, but to come clean about everything so I could process the whole thing and start over. He told me everything was out, but I found out more. Useless to say how I feel, but I am trying to understand what caused him to have this immature behaviour. Last Sunday he left for Texas, where he will be "deployed" for 4 months. It has only been a week, but it has been a really painful one. I feel really ignored and neglected. If I ask him to please pay more attention to me and his son, he told me I am needy or he starts yelling and never apologizes. I am always the one that has to call or text him and it is getting old. I don't know how to deal with this on my own. I feel like I am going to explode. I am now thinking about totally ignore him for a while and see what his reaction could be.
Feeling ignored
Submitted by jenmaya_korn on 01/09/2011.
Is there anyway you can go
Submitted by SherriW13 on
Is there anyway you can go home or have some of your family come here to be with you while he's gone? I cannot imagine being alone with a baby and being pregnant...AND dealing with your marital problems. How did he feel about having to leave for 4 months?
As the 'title' of the site suggests, the ADHD effect on marriage can be difficult. When you say your relationship sunk, most likely what happened was his hyperfocus on you/the relationship ended. Under Melissa's Favorites (upper right corner) you'll find many articles/blogs that are full of useful information.
Many of the things he says to you ("you're too needy" , the yelling) are fairly common in someone who has ADHD. You have just told us very little and it already seems you have a lot that you guys probably need some professional help to sort out. I would start by trying to find a counselor in your area that has experience treating ADHD and, if nothing else, you could start going yourself to get help dealing with his behaviors. He needs to admit it is a problem and want to change...or nothing will change.
Is he on medication or has he ever had any treatment for his ADHD?
Sherri