Feeling ignored and how to cope

I dont know how much longer I can go without affection, attention or a feeling that Im loved by my ADHD boyfriend. We've been together for over 3 years and have a 17 month old daughter and I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship that is very close to my boyfriend. So I have every reason to want to make this work. But how long can a person go feeling completely ignored?? I'm asking anyone with experience in a situation such as this how they find a way not to take it to heart. Because I do. I've tried everything to get his attention but nothing seems to work. The hardest part of all this is separating my anger and with him from other areas of my life. I have 2 wonderful children. A good job I've enjoyed for over 14 years where I feel appreciated and loved. I'm an empathetic, caring person. To a fault if u ask the people closest to me. And while I know I'm attractive, the lack of attention from my partner makes me constantly strive for perfection in my appearance. To the point that I feel very insecure at times. My boyfriend never tells me he loves me. Even though when we first met he was head over heels, adoring and attentive. Which in the typical adhd fashion, began to diminish once we got serious and began trying to have a baby. I went from being his entire world to feeling invisible almost overnight. His attention for me has since been placed on stopping for drinks and a "bite to eat" with his friends. And he doesn't even call to let me know.. While I rush to get the kids after work. I feel like there's barely enough time in the day to work, take care of the children and the house while he gets to be spontaneous and social. There's no date night, no bday presents, no romance of any kind. I even take my kids on vacation by myself..... I do know that he loves me and our children and that he wants this to work. But I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life feeling lonely and without affection. How do all of u in my position cope with being ignored? I would like to learn how to not let his behavior or lack of behavior effect me so much. Thank u in advance for your response.