Feeling lost!

I has officially diagnosed on Monday, so thats good and it shows that Im not just crazy.  I have problems communicating with my wife though. I havent started therapy yet so I turn to you all to see if I can get some pointers or something.


Things I tend to say or do, my wife takes them as signs that I do not care about her. Ill admit that I do, or have done things for others without considering her. Ill put that on me 100% In saying that I know how wrong of me it was and would not even consider repeating it again. Or for instance our wedding pictures, I had no smile at all in any of them. Why I can not tell you, That doesn't reflect how truly happy i was though. I felt so happy that we were actually legally one at that time.  Its things like that, that I cannot explain that do not reflect my true feelings and caring for her. This is what she sees and hears though. She cannot be in my mind getting a true sense of how I feel about her. I try to convey this in small actions but I dont think its enough. Or I say something and it gets all garbled up and I end up making her upset. Its maddening and I get frustrated that I cant explain things so easily or just dont know how a lot of times. I explain to her that those are not really how I feel about her but I cant blame her for not seeing it that way.