I've been posting on this forum on and off lately, trying to figure out whether my husband might have ADHD. I have a strong suspicion that he does, but it feels like such a battle to get him to admit he might need help that I'm starting to feel like just giving up. We've been married for a little over 2 years, and it's been just about the hardest period of my life. I think often about divorcing and getting my old life back -- conflict-free, financially secure, perhaps a bit lonely but more or less devoid of daily stress. I have chronic depression which was well-controlled by medication before we got married, but now I'm increasing my dosage and planning to see a therapist because my depression has worsened. I get so angry at him that I yell and call him names -- jerk, asshole, etc. -- and I feel terrible about that. I don't want to be a person who acts that way. But it's gotten to the point that we can't seem to talk about anything important without it turning into a fight, and my level of tolerance is virtually zero. My resentment of him is starting to outweigh everything else.
The problem (well, aside from all the others) is that my husband is, currently, totally dependent on me. He has significant student loan debt that he barely makes enough to pay off each month, and covering his own living expenses would not be a possibility for him right now. The thought of leaving him makes me feel incredibly guilty, like I'd be abandoning a child. On the one hand I think it would do him good to have to take care of himself, but on the other hand I just don't know that he can do it. He's got terrible credit and a defaulted loan in his name, so I'm not sure he could even get someone to lease him an apartment. He might very well have to move back to his parents' house in a different state and become dependent on them. Basically, I'd be totally screwing him over. So I vacillate between trying to convince myself that things can get better if we keep working at it, and telling myself that I'll just hang in there until he can eventually make enough money to support himself, and then leave. I feel trapped and am starting to hate myself for getting into this situation in the first place.