I kind of hijacked another topic so I decided to create my own.  

I know that we can affect other people's feelings.  But I do think that each of us has the responsibility for our own feelings, including working to change our behaviors and reactions when our responses to things aren't productive.

Here is an example.  My husband told me that when he gets email messages from me in which I complain about something, he has to engage in "respiratory control."  I took this to mean that seeing and reading my messages results in him feeling anxious.  This is a bad thing because anxiety isn't, in this context, a productive reaction.  In response to the anxiety, my husband shuts down and doesn't respond to my messages and he doesn't work on the problems or issues about which I'm complaining.  My husband's approach is then to say to me, "Don't communicate your complaints to me.  I can't handle them.  See, I have this physiological and behavioral response!" So far, you might still think that I am MAKING my husband react this way and therefore it is my responsibility to not talk about problems so as to spare him anxiety.

But I suggest considering a similar example.  I feel anxiety, sometimes manifesting in stomach pain and feelings that I can't breathe, when I'm worried about my children.  My children are now traveling abroad, one with a group in Asia and the other by herself in Europe.  I feel anxious about their trips because bad things could happen to them.  So, should I tell my daughters not to travel because they're MAKING feel anxious?  Of course not!  If I don't want to feel anxious, it's my responsibility to work on responding in a more healthy and productive way to my concerns.  

Likewise, I believe it's my husband's responsibility to work on responding in a more healthy and productive way when I bring up issues that concern him.