Fiance Never Satisfied With Job


I am new to the forum, and have found many of the postings very enlightening.  My fiance has recently been diagnosed with ADHD.  I suspected it ever since I first met him, because he had a lot of traits that reminded me of my sister, who also had ADD.

My fiance copes fairly well, for the most part.  The thing that drives me CRAZY, though, is his lack-of-satisfaction with his job.  His current one, and every other job he's ever had!  He's been working in IT for about 10 years now.  In the 3.5 years we've been together, he's had at least 5 jobs...none of which he's been satisfied with.  There's always something.  Either it's that someone at his company 'has it out for him', or there's no chance for advancement, or the atmosphere is sterile...His current position he's not pleased with because he was reprimanded for using the internet at work, though the person reprimanding him uses it frequently.  I really try to be sympathetic, but it's so tough.  I just keep thinking, suck it up!!  Most people aren't in love with their jobs...I guess I just think he has unrealistic expectations.

Any advice?  Do you think he's just in the wrong field?  Or, would some counselling help?  Or, is it me who's wrong? 

He was taking biphenton, but doesn't really feel it's helping.  I am trying to help him find a psychiatrist; he basically 'fired' his last one, because she was late for an appointment.

Thank you so much for reading this, and any help you can give me!!


An ADDer in IT, that's me...

I KNOW there are many ADDer's in IT. I used to joke about it, until I was diagnosed with it myself about 3 years ago. Depending on your position and how well your medication and coping skills work, IT can be a perfect fit for an ADDer. IT is a fast paced business, which can keep an ADDer interested with the adrenaline rush from trying to get things done, but can back-fire if/when things get out of control. I ended up as a programmer/analyst which is perfect for me. My Hyper-Focus / Out-of-Box thinking helps me design better user interfaces and I get Great satisfaction making someone's job easier or less frustrating. My position also let's me focus long enough, without constant interruption, to get things done. I do have multiple things in the que, but I can prioritize pretty well. I don't have to explain the details of what I'm doing (This can be exasperating to an ADDer), just an overview of what my project does to meet the requirements. No management either... That would be too distracting to me...

I read in Dr. Hallowell's book recently, not an exact quote, but "Do what you are Good at, and avoid what you are Not Good at" I used to think that I over-sold my skills and that one day people would figure out that I was not that smart and lose my job. Low self-esteem can really cause the anxiety that CAN eventually cause you to lose your job. I hope your fiance' can find the right doctor and the right meds. This has improved my skills and self-esteem like you would not believe. 

Good luck!

Oh, thank you so much for

Oh, thank you so much for your response, YYZ!  I think a job with much less management would really be what my fiance needs...tough these days to find something like that, though.  It seems more and more that companies are micromanaging like crazy, which I can't imagine being good for anyone, but especially those with ADD!

My fiance also seems to under-value his skills.  He is, for example, the only one I know who downplays his assets on his CV!!

It's really great to hear that finding the right doctor and meds made a big difference on your skills and self-esteem...that gives me hope for him, too!

I am also trying to get info on workplace resources that are available for people with ADD.  I live in Canada, and have been reading that employers have to, by law, provide different types of assistance to help people with disabilities if so requested.  Maybe things like increased breaks, and more positive feedback would help him.

Anyways, thanks again for your help : )

I'm glad to help :)

I was not diagnosed until I was 43, after my first Adderall I could not believe how much more clear things were. If he will see a counselor or coach who specializes in ADD, that would really help. The meds are only part of the solution, the ADDer has got to understand what is going on inside his/her head. Reading Dr. Hallowell's books are great insight into the ADD brain too. 

Best wishes...

Thanks again!  Hopefully we

Thanks again!  Hopefully we will be able to find him a psychiatrist soon.  At least he is wanting to get this sorted out.  Right now he's thinking he just wants meds, but hopefully the psychiatrist will be able to encourage him to psychologically address his symptoms, as well!