My husband and I have been married for 19 years. But for the last 12 years he has not contributed financially to our family. He quitted his job and started his own business. We agreed to this new venture for two years. The business did not take off. He tried several other businesses after that. Nothing really worked. He seems to have a problem with clutters. Our place is a two bedroom condo. The second bedroom has always been used as his "office/storage" cluttered with boxes and stuff. It is in complete disarray. I am not allowed to organize anything in this room. One day I discovered a base board hidden behind the clutters in this room that was crumbled by termites. I fell apart and felt utterly helpless. I realized that something is severely broken in our marriage and particularly in my husband. After scanning through the book "Driven to Distraction" written by Edward M. Hallowell, we came to the conclusion that my husband has ADD. He has pretty much everything listed in Chapter 7, table II, under the Suggested Diagnostic Criteria for ADD in Adults. On one hand, I was relieved now that I could put a name to this problem. On the other hand, I was completely crushed.
It is one thing to know what it is. It is entirely a different issue not knowing how to cope or where to go from here. It feels like being in a dark room and being hit by some force that I cannot see. I don't know how to defend from this "monster". Because I am ill equipped in dealing with this challenge, I resort to being a classic enabler. I tend to reinforce his irresponsible behaviors and end up resenting myself for giving in and him for having this condition. I give him a "drunk" instead of a "drink". But I don't know how to get out of this unhealthy pattern.
I am a believer in Christ. I know the Lord is in control of our situation. There is a reason for everything we are going through.