7 years of marriage and two children later and it's finally time to end things. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but I wasn't aware that he had it for many, many years into our marriage. I was seduced by a charming, attractive man who was once my world! From the day we got married I cooked, cleaned and tries to be the perfect wife. I even let him have several boys nights out with the guys because I trusted him. Two weeks after we got married I sat down to our laptop and found him still logged into his email. Tie weeks after we got married I found out that he had been having an affair from the moment he proposed. I quickly kicked him out but let him come back days later because I loved him. I would later find out that he went to her house to have sex with her that night. I wish that I could say that things got better after that time...but, he was always broke, wouldn't help out around the house and started hyper focusing on bowling, NASCAR and wrestling. I felt so lonely and I had to beg him for a date night...he told me he could squeeze me in on Wednesday evenings when he didn't have anything going on. Then came the pregnancies...I threw up for 4-months straight with both pregnancies and has to go to the hospital Often to get IVs, he left me alone upstairs in my room for nights at a time. I would cry myself to sleep because I was so jealous of those women who had men who would run out for pregnancy cravings or get excited to feel the baby kick while my husband's new obsession had become semi-pro football. Eventually the house had gotten so disgusting that I had to my a mask just to clean while suffering through the morning sickness. I thought it would get better...but, while I was in labor for 48 hours my husband was complaining that he was tired and falling asleep or playing on his phone while my sister-in-law helped me breathe through contractions. I finally had a c-section and my husband left me alone for 6 hours to drink beer with his dad...meanwhile I has no one to help me get my baby up to breast feed or assist me with going to the bathroom. I sobbed uncontrollably. The following weekends he spent out of town with football, leaving me with a newborn baby...my heart was broken. Three months later I was pregnant again..

It never got better. Their were many other email relationships that I caught him in...he'd never really apologize or never seem to think he'd fine anything wrong...I was dying a little every day. I was overwhelmed with trying to keep it all together with 2 small children and an ADHD husband. I would talk to him about my hopes and dreams or cry to him when I was upset and needed emotional support, but within 30 seconds he'd interrupt me to talk about himself or something random. Eventually I just stopped talking even when someone closed to be passed away. I felt such sadness and I was angry! I yelled and screamed just so he would hear my cries for help but it never worked. Then he became obsessed with porn...the object of his new hyper focus. I was always a super confident woman, but the affairs, the porn and the non-acknowledgement raped me of my self-esteem little by little until I was overweight and suicidal. How could a man who promised to love me hurt me so bad?

My husband had our utilities shut off several times, planned vacations for himself with his buddies and friends from high school but never once took me overnight anywhere or on any vacations. He probably only took me on 5 real dates in 8 years. Yet I stayed even though every day I was so unbelievably sad...why couldn't he just love me enough not to let his ADHD ruin everything? I gave and gave to him. I was the bread winner, the maid and the cook. I just wanted someone to care and to hold me when I hurt. He did try meds for one year but wouldn't really try with the cognitive therapy. He could never taken responsibility for his ADHD and would pass the blame to me. I would try to help him with lists, texts and phone reminders but he'd ignore them and I get pissed! Love starting turning to hate...and, finally I decided to get out. His ADHD was affecting me and my kids and causing psychological damage. My kids were upset because daddy would sleep the weekends away and wouldn't play with them and go kid stuff...he started hyper focusing on car shows instead and his dad time with them would only be bringing them along for his hobby not caring that three and four year olds are more interested in the zoo than car stereo system competitions. The final straw came when the water and gas was shutoff again on my children and I forcing us to bathe with water bottles and not being able to cook because gas was out...all while his 32-year-old self was partying for 6 nights out at the bar every single night on a bros only Florida vacation. I finally had the moment of clarity that I could go on with his failure to find ways to control his ADHD or I could get out and finally have a shot at real love and happiness. It was like I was relieved of a 1000 pounds of baggage. I generally feel sorry for by soon-to-be-ex...he has no money to move out and he still blames everyone else for his problems instead of the ADHD. I'm going to eventually be fine...now I worry about my children visiting him...

The real kicker? I'm a senior non-commissioned officer in the United States military with many awards, decorations and educational degrees, I'm a Veteran of two wars, highly successful in my career and a loving mother. I can fight the Taliban, but I could not fight my husband's ADHD. How sad is that? I've never failed at anything...I put up with my cheating, self-centered ADHD husband for too long and it almost made me take my own life. I'm thankful that I have seen the light and have decided to let go of the toxicity because I know that one day I'll find someone worthy for me to love and someone who will love me completely...