How can you love someone you don't know? How can you love someone who won't share with you? I didn't know anything about what made him tick. It took 2 years of marriage before I figured out who was depressed. I thought that was the fundamental problem, not realizing that it's probably the result of his ADD.
I think what I fell for was the hyperfocus on me. Anything I wanted he'd do for me. He got up 7, drove 30 miles to pick me up and take me to work, then took me to my second job (where he worked too), then 30 miles back to my house. He did this for months, while I saved up money to buy a new car. It was wonderful. Everything I needed or wanted he did for me. Then we got married. Then he got fired, and wouldn't keep up our house even though I still had the same 2 jobs.
Maybe I never loved him at all. Maybe I just fell in love with the hyperfocus. Maybe after a first marriage where I was expected to do the housework, raise the kids, etc. and was beaten if I didn't do it right, maybe after being a single mom to 2 teenagers, one with ADD, and raising them to adulthood, I just thought I loved someone who seemed to love me so much.
Maybe if I loved him, I would have been happy to work while he didn't and come home at 10:30 and do the dishes, etc. Maybe if I loved him I'd have been glad to support him while he hyperfocused on NCIS and Charmed reruns. Love is about giving, not receiving. Should I have stuck it out, even though there was no more partnership there, because I made the commitment? Maybe he didn't feel loved because I had to work so much to support us both that I couldn't spend much time with him.
So now I kind of feel guilty. What happens to people who won't work? His mother isn't going to be around to support him forever. How will he eat and how will he have a place to live? I don't make enough to support 2 households, and I'm not going to be paying alimony. We weren't married long enough for him to get Social Security on my record, and his own will be pathetic, and he won't qualify for at least another 11 years. So what happens to these people, who are so damaged?