the final straw

My final straw came this week.  I don't talk to my husband much about our problems and he is happy for me not to do so.  But for me, although talking about things is hard, it seems just as bad to not talk about them.  So, I brought up how frustrated I am.  My husband almost immediately redirected the conversation to explaining how my bad reactions cause him to respond the way he does.  Once again, he took off the table the thing that I see as the major problems:  that he won't look for a better job and that he is contributing only minimally to the family, financially and in other ways.  

I had been contemplating filing for a separation in a few weeks.  That night, I decided that I don't want to wait even that long.  I'm going to go in Monday morning to our local courthouse.  

Do I feel guilty, sad, ambivalent, angry, frustrated?  Yes, I do.  But I tried so many things before.  Nothing helped.  I am spent and ready to move on.  Please wish me courage and strength.