Finally pushed too far and kicked him out


I've been living with my ADD boyfriend for 4 months.  I had no idea he had ADD until he moved in - like everyone on here, it seems.

We were working towards marriage, in fact, he bought an engagement ring.  But, we've been fighting so much lately, he hasn't proposed.  No problem there, honestly, as I didn't want to make a commitment, after what I'd seen.

Like everyone else on here, he has an abundance of wonderful qualities.  But, his bad ones, all ADD-related, have gotten to be too much to bear.

I kicked him out last night, as I had finally had enough.  What tipped me over the edge was this:

He quit a job earlier this year he had been at a long time, in order to take a new one that held much promise.  The new job didn't work out so well, so he walked out one day.  I didn't blame him for that, but, this was soon after he moved in, and I didn't know he had ZERO savings and no way to support himself.  But, love took over, and I had no problem supporting him for a few weeks until he got back on his feet.  I thought he'd find something else very quickly.

What happened since is that he hasn't been very interested in finding new work. I had to do his resume.  I had to look for jobs.  I had to apply for them.  I had to do follow-up.  It was exhausting, and a huge turn-off.

When he does work, he is a great worker.  Employers love him, as he works very hard, and does a great job.  I was shocked at how little interest he had in finding something new.

I got him signed with a temporary agency, and he's been working there steadily.  But, it pays horribly.  Since he moved in, he's only contributed 50% towards his half of the bills.  Which means I've been supporting him and paying his bills, and burdened with paying his debt.  Paying his medical.  I don't earn enough to support two people. 

We had many fights over this, in fact, it got to the point where we had a huge blow-up every week or two weeks over this.  It took a real chunk out of our relationship, and I found myself being less in love, less interested in a future, and progressively resentful.  I simply felt used.  Like, if he were single, I doubt he'd be so casual about his job search, but, since I was paying his bills, what's the rush?

He's been on about 5 interviews, all ones I set up, of course, and for whatever reason, he didn't like any of the jobs, even when they wanted to hire him. 

Last week, I applied for a job for him, and the recruiter emailed him, asking to set up an interview immediately.  This was on a FRI.  He didn't reply until SAT, and only because I read his email, and made him do it.

He took the following MON off, and all day, I kept asking him if he heard from the recruiter.  It seemed so odd to me that she wouldn't reply, considering they were very interested in him.  During the week, I asked him about 5 times if he had heard from her, and each time, he told me no. 

Thursday night, I stayed up late to go through his emails, and respond to job alerts, postings, etc.  I sent an email to this recruiter acting as him, saying he was still interested, hadn't heard from her, etc.

Imagine my shock on FRI when I read his emails, and she responded that she had left him a voicemail on MON, never heard back, and the hiring manager is no longer interested.

I confronted him, and he said he didn't want to waste either of their time, when it wasn't a job he wasn't interested in.  !!!!!

This was the final straw for me.  I felt like I have to be the one to handle his job search, and when I set up interviews, he's not only blowing them off, but lying to me about it.  It was a double-whammy lethal blow, in my mind and heart.

I kicked him out - told him he needed to pack some things, and get out, since now that I've caught him lying to me, I can't trust him, and won't have him in my home.  He said I was blowing this out of proportion.

I canceled his credit card (it's my account) and told him he better call his parents to bail him out, as I won't be paying his bills nor housing him any longer.  He truly has no money, and no friends.  I have no idea where he went. but I'm sure he'll figure it out.  At least he hasn't contacted me, which is a relief.

Today, I've been packing his remaining things.

Although I slept horribly last night without him, I feel so unburdened.  It got to the point where he was more of a hassle than a joy.