My wife is finally going to see someone who appears to be qualified to diagnose ADHD in adults. The psychologist is the chair of a county CHADD chapter and wants to do things correctly--gather feedback from relatives, take three meetings before deciding, etc.
Unfortunately, this is at least partially the result of some difficult developments. Our daughter was recently hospitalized again because the outpatient service said she could not guarantee she would not hurt herself. She even ingested hand sanitizer at the ER to "kill parasites." While visiting her (she does not want my wife to visit), she told me that my wife needs to change before she comes home. My wife got upset and dismissive when I told her this, but I stayed firm on how her behavior has been contributing to the problems--not listening to the kids, flying off the handle, not implementing parenting skills, ignoring my attempts to deescalate (and then complaining that I was not doing anything), etc. I also told her why I was hopeful about an ADHD diagnosis--that I had feared that she had borderline personality disorder before I learned about ADHD after the kids were diagnosed.
On Saturday, she was driving when we came to an intersection by a park near our home. I commented on the outdoor seating at a restaurant across from the park. Normally, we would turn right to go home, but we needed some things at the grocery store. This would mean going straight through the intersection and following the road as it curved to the right. Instead, she curved left. I saw her approaching the curb at a nearly 90 angle and yelled "What are your doing?!?!?" She said that she had looked at the restaurant I commented on and gotten distracted.