Finally, some peace.......

Well, maybe this should be in progress and hope, but he has given me permission to go home. We are transferring bills to his name next week, and I am separating my insurance and phone from his.

I'm so relieved:) I can't wait to get home and lay on the white sand beaches for hours:) I can't wait to see my friends!!

I plan to leave next weekend:)

I'm seeing a lot of this

I'm seeing a lot of this around the forums the past few days. Looking like you, exhausted, perhaps jenna are all looking to pull that final trigger. I wonder about a statistical analysis of these foums before and after mother's day. Do active users drop off shortly thereafter?

Interesting question, Jack.

Interesting question, Jack.  I filed for a separation the day after Mother's Day but it was a coincidence.  Not a coincidence that it was in the month of May, however; many painful things have happened in this month in this and other years.  

Four years ago (May 2009):  Husband fired from job because of ADHD-related behavior that caused a vehicle accident. Daughter received citation for underage drinking one week later; daughter's high-school graduation threatened because of the citation; husband not helpful or supportive to me during stuff related to daughter.

Three years ago (May 2010):  Husband hadn't applied for any jobs.

Two years ago (May 2011):  Daughter arrested for DUI; husband supportive initially to daughter and to me, but after that only supportive to daughter, while I was very stressed and doing all the practical stuff related to hiring a lawyer and making sure daughter was communicating with the lawyer.  Husband hadn't applied for any jobs.

One year ago (May 2012):  Husband hadn't applied for any jobs.

This year (May 2013):  Daughter has successfully completed college and has applied for some jobs, always revealing her DUI conviction on her job applications.  Husband hasn't applied for any jobs.  

Of course, this wasn't the half of it.  Many many other things have happened that were dumped in my lap because of my husband's lack of focus or lack of resiliency or lack of interest.  Does it help that he doesn't acknowledge mother's day?  No, but it's pretty irrelevant at this point.

Well mine asked me to leave

Well mine asked me to leave because he believes it would be easier on him. Apparently, it is hard to live with someone who cares for your child, house, finances, AND helps out with bills lol. I agree it is hard to be me in this house, doing EVERYTHING and STILL being expected to be loving to an emotionally distant husband. He says he's verbally mean to me because I have an attitude lol. He gets a 4 bedroom house, paid for by the military, and our son and I get to go stay with friends until I've paid off the moving debt and saved money. At least he's agreed to take on our credit card debt. 

Before Mother's Day he asked me if he "had" to buy me something. For Mother's Day, I got a card and flowers and him sleeping til 6pm. I did get away for lunch while my son napped. He recently asked me to give back the foreign emeralds he got me from war. I told him no and that you don't ask for presents back. Who does that?! He has been such a huge disappointment the entire marriage. I only ever loved the hyper-focus period. 

None of it really matters because I'm FREE AT LAST!!!!

I think his Celexa is affecting him. Last night he stayed up til 4am and he asked me if I wanted a foot rub. He asked me to leave Sat morning, then offers a foot rub Sat night? Our dog was acting strange when I got home at 3am. She greeted me 10x as hard as usual and slept on my floor....she prefers her kennel. It made me nervous. Anti-depressants make me nervous. Sometimes they cause homicidal or suicidal thought. My Aunt committed suicide in a daze while on Paxil. Just walked outside and shot herself in the head. She was the normal one in the family. 

Back off your wife if you want to keep your family together. She is stepping out and you are smothering her, causing her to retreat further. You may never get her back, but stop forcing it. If you need to leave to be happy, then think it over. Otherwise, try to be happy with what you have and only take what you are given. 

Congrats, Lauren, it sounds

Congrats, Lauren, it sounds like you were ready for this. I always wonder what would happen to my husband if I up and left, if he would finally realize how much I actually do (and how little he does). From what I've read, though, sometimes they still stay in denial about it. Hopefully your husband wakes up to what he's going to lose.


I haven't left but I"ve filed

I haven't left but I"ve filed for a separation.  You'd hardly know it from my husband's reaction.  

This weekend, while he's at his parents (he spends four days a week there "caregiving"), I'm putting all his stuff into his bedroom.  Just a reminder that this marital issue isn't going to disappear because he doesn't want to think about it or thinks I'm bluffing.

He has lucid moments where he

He has lucid moments where he knows, but he is too focused on trying to live here like a single man. I think he fails to realize the house won't clean itself or prepare his food. I hope he remembers to feed and water his little dog. 

One thing that my husband has

One thing that my husband has told me about how his ADHD manifests itself is that he lives in the moment all the time. Whatever he is doing right now is what he's thinking about. Could be hyperfocus, but for him it's a state of being. It could be that your husband is similar and really doesn't think to far ahead, so right now he's not concerned about what's going to happen when you're gone, he's living in the moment. That spur of the moment, live for now mentality is fun when you're dating, but not so much when you have real responsibilities and a family to care about.

He's just left to hang out

He's just left to hang out with his buddies. Didn't bathe our son or feed the dogs. I guess he doesn't GET that this is his last week with his son and he can spend every night of the next 7-8 months hanging with his buddies. I sure picked a winner. Next Tues can't get here fast enough. 

Tired old man's picture

I'm sorry the chaos continues.

It never seems to stop.  Just remember, you're the one on "The Bridge", you've set your boundary and you've opened your hand.   The rest of your life starts next week.  Please keep in touch and tell us how you're doing!!


Keep a vision of your future.  Don't look back anymore than you must.  Good luck to you and your son.  You are doing your both a favor.

Thank you both:) I'll be

Thank you both:)

I'll be around hoping things look up for so many of you. .....and possibly still complaining about my husband, lol, let's hope not.