I have said this a number of times over the last decade, but am now truly at the end of my rope. I need to set an ultimatum. Either my husband sees a physician to get help for his ADHD or we need to get divorced. Here is a bit of background. He was told as a child that he had ADHD and I don’t think it was ever properly treated as his mother chalks it off to bad behavior and laziness. I grew up with a brother who was diagnosed with it in the early 70’s (he was 5) and had all the support and care in the world for it. I have witnessed the positive side of living with it when treated properly. I was also diagnosed with ADD in college and probably am a less extreme case. Both my husband and I have been in recovery for alcoholism for 3 years. This has helped quite a bit with many of the issues of living together as a married couple, however the untreated ADHD of my husband, coupled with he not taking care of his diabetes regularly has taken every bit of energy, strength, and hope out of me.
He cannot focus on a job long enough to maintain a steady income to support our family. He has admitted to me that he gets bored and cannot stay on task. He takes on too many jobs or projects at a time and cannot keep up with anything as a result of this which leaves us financially on the verge of losing everything. He thus feels defeated and then the depression kicks in and he cannot function. I end up sounding like a nag and he feels as though I expect too much from him. I have taken steps to take my home-based business out of the home now that all the kids are in school full-time and this way I can be more financially responsible for the family and can only blame myself when bills don’t get paid.
Recently he took a job out of town at my encouragement for 12 weeks just so we have a steady income since the new sales job he took was not generating the type of income he had anticipated. (Refer to paragraph 2) Since he has been gone I found out that our property taxes were not paid and we may lose our home. Some of the utilities were not paid and have been shut off and turned back on promptly when I let him know. We now have no health insurance and we’re 40. I have let go of the idea that there will be any financial success, I just want shelter, clothing, and food. He thinks I am such a nag and that I expect too much from him. Our house has been for sale for months and if somebody buys it, I may be willing to file for divorce if he does not get help. I don’t know what else to do since I cannot take much more of this emotionally, financially, or spiritually. I am bankrupt in all of these areas of my life. (not literally) I have just had enough. I have begged him for years to please get help and that AA encourages members to seek “outside” help for issues beyond the 12 steps. This is definitely one of those instances. Does anyone have any suggestions or input on what I have written?