Financially he’s a mess – what can I do?

I need to talk to an expert, but I don’t know who.

Here’s the situation: I am the non-ADHD spouse of an ADHD husband. He was diagnosed about 18 months ago and has been taking medication – with some improvements. We have many issues -- too many to go into here – that I can attribute to his ADHD.

There is one that I am most worried about, lately. He’s irresponsible with money. He makes decisions based on fear and impulse without any thought about how it will impact us in the long term. Recently, I discovered that he took $30,000 out of our IRA to pay for his business expenses. (This is a lot of money for us.) I say “just found out” because I discovered this a year after it happened. He’s been hiding it from me all this time.

This is not the first time he’s done things like this. Over the years, he’s gotten charge cards without my knowledge and bought things on credit without any means to pay for it. I have always bailed him out. I’ve decided that this is never going to change. I think I want to stay married because we have young kids. But, I am not willing to live with the fear of what he might do next nor the risk to my financial future (and the kids). I’m worried that he’s going to incur more debt (or potentially go bankrupt) and I will be responsible for paying for these surprises. I want my kids to be able to go to college. I want to keep our house. Am, I asking for too much?

How can I protect myself financially? Is there anything short of divorce that I can do? Do I need a lawyer, a financial planner, or a coach? I feel like I need to take some measure to protect what assets we have left (from him). I should add that he’s not contributing financially to the support of our family. His business doesn’t make any money. In addition keeping my house running with an ADHD partner, I am also the breadwinner. I’m exhausted. I cut coupons to save 50 cents and, then I find out I’m being sabotaged for tens of thousands of dollars. How can I ever stay afloat with that happening?

What would you do? Who would you ask for help?