We need help!!!! Finding A good therapist seems impossible!!!

My ADHD husband and I have been struggling for several years with symptoms from his ADHD. I'm finding our story is the same as many of you, after reading through the forum and reading "The ADHD Effect on Marriage". So My Husband has finally agreed to search for a therapist, take medication, or whatever it takes to treat these symptoms that are causing turmoil in our day to day lives. Now I feel like we are at a stand still. The very few therapists we have found that deal with adult ADHD are booked months in advance. Others specialize in children or do not deal with ADHD. I am afraid if we do not get the ball rolling while this is still fresh in my husbands mind it will loose its importance, and he will forget everything we have discussed and how I am feeling. I know my marriage is not a life and death situation to others, but if we do not find help soon, It could mean the death of our marriage. Which is something that we both believe can be avoided with the right help. 

I wish I could offer you some

I wish I could offer you some suggestions.  My husband has seen at least six different therapists in his adult life.  The most recent psychiatrist was, as members of that profession tend to be, focused on medications.  The person who advertised himself as having experience with ADHD was qualified but found my husband's condition too challenging to deal with.  He recommended that my husband do an intensive outpatient therapy program for his related disorders, depression and anxiety.  My husband did so.  At the end of that, we went for a joint session.  I took to heart the therapist's suggestions and tried to follow them.  My husband did not follow through on what he was supposed to do.  The current therapist is good (he focuses on people with "highly dysfunctional" behavior) but does not realize, I think, the extent of the destruction caused by my husband's ADHD.   

Thank you!!

Thank you for your reply! It helps to simply know that we are not alone in this and unfortunately, there are other couples struggling with this. 


Congrats on his agreement to get help! You can go to a general practitioner to get a prelim diagnosis and get meds while on wait list for a psychiatrist and counselor. It is really important that they be familiar w add, but not necessarily a specialist. You can interview these people to get a feel. You could also consider Melissa's seminar if you want an immediate start. It is super frustrating trying find good help. Stick with it. Good luck to you both.

Get on waiting list

Get on a couple of waiting lists and request they call you if they have a last minute opening. May not be regular at first, but it will at least get things started.

Also, we went to 2 different therapists during one time period so we could make a choice without having to waste time starting over from scratch if one didn't work out well.

So you might get on the waiting list for an ADHD specialist, ask to be called for last minute openings, and start now with a basic marriage counselor and a psychiatrist or psychologist (which I can almost guarantee you won't want to stick with long-term) so you don't lose his momentum. (You can alternate between the two every other week)

Be aware, however, that your insurance may not pay for more than one -- so you may have to pay cash for the extra. And don't be afraid to change if you are not comfortable with your first choice. Finding a compatible therapist can be really hard (and sometimes damaging to the non-).