Submitted by Geese on 04/08/2015.
Today is my first day managing my ADHD. For background, my damage includes inattentiveness as well as some "#nofilter" style communication, and just about everything else.
Today, was great. The whole thing is a combo of routine, meds and a few sound bytes from the many helpful people in these forums, YouTube and elsewhere.
Not only have I got a lot done work wise. I worked out, chatted with our preschooler, had bfast with my wife after driving back across town to get something she accidentally left at home, folded the clothes and now I'm taking a break to write this.
I feel "normal". I'm a high strung wheeling dealing broker type guy at heart and that's basically who I've been all day. I have been balancing chores and calling and following up. Admin does not feel like a burden. It feels like I have all this time squeezed into each segment of 10 minutes just to help me get stuff done.
The good:
— The negative voice that has always tried to interpret the world in a magically depressing way is (not gone) but shut in a room in another part of the house!
— I'm not making impulsive decisions for a dopamine hit. No more "ooo let's eat a canoli" three times a day or trying to get a rise out of my wife or an acquaintance by saying something to wind them up. Now I realize I had been like a chihuahua running around figuratively dry humping everyone to fulfill some weird need for excitement in my own head! Man o man...
— I'm realistic with my time allocations. No more toggling between "I have all the time in the world" and "omg I need to do it NOW!". This is due to both the skills I'm applying and the meds that help nix the adhd "internal voice filibuster"
— I'm waaaay less critical, probably because the voice is not there. Silly statements from friends/fam, uniformed service people too fat for fitness regulations (my longstanding pet peeve), perceived racism and loud noises no longer bother me. I don't want to judge and be harsh anymore.
But I still need to work on:
— The verbal filter. Still have a tendency to motor mouth, overtalk people and make assumptions.
— The mounds of clutter that have accumulated over the years both literally and figuratively will take some effort to clear up, but I can start tackling these now.
— The inevitable "low" I'm going to feel when the meds wear off in a few hours and the voice and procrastination come back! (not looking forward to this btw)
— self management. I would say that 75% is the drug and the rest my intentions, application of some advice I've learned for adhd and the good way people treat you when you're not in the usual freak mode. But the impact of taking this stuff daily on my health needs to be considered. Can I get similar results from more non-medical intervention and a lower dose or less frequent dose at some point in the future? I'd love to know.
— cutting back on coffee. One one cuppa day's the way forward starting tomorrow. Don't need the focus boost like before and now I just feel a tad bit too jittery after a morning joe + afternoon doppio machiato! (if Redbull gives you wings, Vyvanse and caffeine give you a set of three stage rocket thrusters! ). That's all for now.
Anyone else care to share their first experiences or feedback on the above?
Congrats...
Submitted by c ur self on
Worked off a list most of my life...I'm so proud of you, keep it up (self-awareness is key)...this post is awesome!
Thanks c ur self. :-)
Submitted by Geese on
Hey !! Congrat on your first
Submitted by s00manyquestions on
Hey !! Congrat on your first day of your life!! Welcome to the club. I too was recently diagnosed about 1.5 months ago. I just read a few sentences and I had to respond for a second because I was soo happy for you. I know that initially, it's overwhelming but doesn't it feel good to have some clarity and know that it can be different...better!? I'm soo happy for you!!
K. I'm gonna read the rest and expect a response.
Hey!! This is amazing!! I'm
Submitted by s00manyquestions on
Hey!! This is amazing!! I'm really happy for you! Everything you mentioned is the way to go. ... and as you go along, you may find addional things to add. I've been on the same path as you, I've also included meditation to my rountine. I fall aslepp listening to youtube self awareness/relaxation/ and now my fav: guided meditation. I find it to be extremely helpful to calm my mind and start to focus on healing the internal wounds that exist from years of self inflicted abuse!. I also start the day listening to a positive thing: be it: a Tedtalk, youtube- positive affirmations or anything on that line. I know it sound all new agey but it seems to help me or at least remind me to be kind to myself (self worth and love) which is vital in order for me to create a new perspective of life. I read somewhere recently that the world is a mirror of ourselves....meaning: the way you perceive the world/people is a reflection of how you see yourself!! I found that enlightening...yet alarming.
How is your wife reacting to all of your efforts? Based on my recent lesson learned: I would suggest that from the beginning of your new life: include your wife! Although we are all individuals, there is no need to live this life alone. Communication!! It will only be beneficial and bring you closer.
I'm soo happy for you! I know that it can all be oh soo overwhelming...but I can tell you: as a new member to the club, it does get better ...remember vigilance and patience. You have a choice.
I'm not making impulsive decisions for a dopamine hit
I love this!! That's a great way to think of it!!
SomanyQs always great to read
Submitted by Geese on
Thanks G! I'm glad to pass
Submitted by s00manyquestions on
Thanks G! I'm glad to pass the positive support that I too received from the wonderful and insightful people on this forum (shout out to: especially C n JJ). But everyone here has helped me more than anything else. Honestly. I'm amazed at how I got more support and understanding from the people here vs my actual life. Thanks to internet, huh? ....Well, I would imagine especially if your wife is a non believer of ADHD. It's unfortunate for you to wish you hadn't told her....keeping this from (your) partner is huge! Simply for the reason that it plays such a big part in relationships. I don't know, but if she's the type that is very logical and or methodic...maybe approach the conversation from that perspective. .... empathy.... focus moreso on the scientific findings...ie: MRI brain imaging (differences in Frontal Lobes, Cortisol Levels (reaction to stress), and Hormonal differences with dopamine. I know you've mentioned that aspect but be prepared with reference sources. At least that's the route I would start off with. I know it's difficult to convince someone of something or their perception especially if it's founded on negative experiences (ruined relationship from Adderall). One thing that I can say about Adderall, which I'm on. .... From what I hear from those who are not ADHD, when they take it, it gets them AMPED ....when I (or someone who has ADHD) takes it...I don't get amped....it actually does the opposite for me. ...it slows my brain/thoughts so that I can focus on one thought versus being all over multiple thoughts.
As with any drug...there is always potential for misuse. For example: Cough medicines are needed and beneficial when you have a cold, right? You have no reservation on using it to function in you daily life....but again...there are those who misuse it to get high. Does that mean colds don't exist? or...Should we stop the production of nail polish and or anything aerosol products because some huff it? - Does that mean...women don't want to paint their nails or use hairspray? I'm just saying...but yes, I sympathize with you and the challenge of convincing her. That's a hard one, but I think its worth the effort, simply because it's a third party in your relationship...whether she believes or likes it.
Sure, you did well in school...I did too! And at a young age, I loved school and never had issues with peers and finding friendships...but I remember always feeling different from everyone else...a disconnect in intellectual conversations. Academically, I did well, but at the cost of my extra efforts. I remember on numerous occaccions within my life, feeling as if: I had to try harder than the rest of the population. ... that's because I did!!! Who..in elementary school sets their alarm for 4am to put extra time into their homework...and doing it in the closet because they shared a room with their sibling? ??!!! ME! I had to because at an early age, I knew I loved learning and had pride in my work. BUT....it took me longer and it was more difficult for me. It wasn't until my 3rd year in college that suddenly, my extra efforts and time was just not good enough to get the results I wanted.
At the end of the day, whether she agrees with you or not, what matters is how you feel. What you think. Yes, of course it would be ideal for you guys to share the journey, but if that's not possible, don't let that sway you from finding peace. Maybe it ends up that you find mental peace and she and the relationship benefits. She'll notice the difference. Either way, you are better. Focus on that!
As for my other....yeah...too late for me. A painful way to discover all the pain, suffering and mistreatment that I have caused which definitaly played a huge role in our demise. We've had a challenging past 1.5 years due to grief, ADHD diagnosis and now...here I am...in a single room within a house. Shared with a room mate! Whereas, 9 days ago, we lived together in our house that I dearly made into our home. .. It's all very challenging but as of yesterday night....I actually felt myself peering out of the dark! I can actually feel my true self again! This is my journey...and maybe I needed to be away to recharge myself and grow as an individual. While giving him the much needed and deserved peace. Either way, as I mentioned to you...I too need to focus on me and make myself whole before I can truely change my perspective of life. Its work but so far...I can already feel the difference and it's refreshing.
Keep up with your process!! Create your own perspective and remember to be kind to yourself and those around you!
My first time on stimulants.
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
I've never read anything like this, but my first time on stimulants, and also when restarting them after each child was weaned was that my brain tingled. I know the brain itself doesn't have any sensation, but I could feel the anterior part tingling. It must have been due to the blood flow that I perceived that in my frontal lobe? Also, that I could slow down or speed up. Not as many what I call "half-thoughts;" I could hold onto my thoughts longer. My temper and mood were better. I could stop-that almost imperceptible gap of time before I do something stupid-and say, "Maybe that is not such a good idea." It felt like someone else was having those thoughts-a less fun version of me-lol ;).
I also take a short-acting dose at 2 p.m. and 6 p.m., FYI... I need coverage! I added the 2 p.m. recently. I think perhaps (?) now that my thyroid is normal I am burning through meds faster? Anyhoo, if you are having rebound issues (super duper cranky when meds wear off), tapering off with a smaller dose might help. Your wife deserves to see the benefits of your medication, too, and I know that is important to you :).