I have posted on here before and vented my frustrations but tonight I'm heart broken. I just separated from my ADHD partner and have moved out. Today was spent moving all my stuff up to my dads house and now here I am alone with my thoughts (I also have ADHD) and feel anxious and unettled.
Brief summary for separation - my partner doesn't take her ADHD seriously enough and has jot been actively doing anything about it or managing it. She doesn't see the impact that it has on me and our relationship. All the things she says she will do and doesn't follow through, the escalation of a series of these types of non happening promises accumulating into much frustration and arguments which I get made to feel like I'm the one that has done something wrong. I'm sick of picking up the slack in our home day to day... Dishes, house work ect although recently it has been better though still well below par.
On Sunday night I took my beloved partner away for a romantic night away somewhere beautiful. An expensive hotel room which has a jacuzzi and sauna in the room! The towels were shaped like swans into a heart on the bed with rose petals and one red rosé for her with a box of chocolates waiting for her when she arrived. She loved it and was crying with happiness. The previous night she stayed out till 4:30am drinking and smoking weed which affected her tiredness the next day. This 'next day' that was suppose to be a wonderful day spend together having Quality time with a capital Q was ruined by my partner and her ADHD running amok. She snapped at me for gently waking her and telling her that breakfast in bed was coming, I cried and was feeling so upset thinking "does she appreciate what I've done for her and all the trouble I've went to? Surely she wouldn't speak to me like that if she did?".
I limped on upset but trying to get out the shock and pain of being treated that way till we left the hotel. She didn't get to fix her hair and spent the next couple of hours looking for a salon to blow dry her hair, distracted and unable to fully focus and participate in our quality time until this was done. Eventually when she did find somewhere a 20 minute blow dry turned into AN HOUR AND A HALF! I waited outside and sauntered about the town like a right fool waiting for her. In the salon she somehow got talked into having a treatment done on her hair as well? I mean what made her think this was okay given the fact I had been considerate enough to sacrifice some of our time to let her get her hair done to make her feel more comfortable about her wet wild undone hair?!
I was furious and her reaction when she left the salon wasn't of horror and embarrassment at leaving me waiting like a spare part. It was her skipping towards me saying "I'm ready!". Just absolutely mental. The whole day had been spent on her getting her hair done instead of us spending the quality time together that I had hoped for. And also went to a lot of trouble organising, spent a lot of money and drove two and a half hours to get to. I immediately drove us the long journey home.
The disappointment didn't kick in until that night and more so the next day but she doesn't get why in so angry. She says she does but her reactions are not appropriate to the situation and only aggravate me more and make my feelings worse. To the point I've had to leave her and move back into my dads house. There has been a long history of 'events' which have made me feel this way so it's a gradual build up of frustration and her lack of seriousness towards her ADHD and non action taking in learning about how it affects others around her makes the situation intolerable for me. I can't suffer anymore or being made to feel like like I'm overreacting anymore when she escalates the bad feeling by her inability to read and respond appropriately. I just get attitude and defensiveness which aggravates me more.
any advice anyone? Thoughts? I have sent her a long email detailing clearly and directly why I'm so annoyed and why I have left so the ball is firmly in her court to respond, though I don't think she will. She's too ego driven and stubborn. It's like a defiant teenager. I'm 31!
any words to help me sleep and stop my own anxiety and racing thoughts. My ADHD makes me very emotionally sensitive and situations turn through my head like torture! Think I'll have to take a diazepam!