THE FIRST STEP TO A BETTER FUTURE

I have named this forum as the first step because I have finally admitted to myself that I have a serious problem and I will be seeking advice to see if ADHD is the cause.

My mother said to me the other day, I think the reason for your outbursts are a result of ADHD and that some medication will help like it helped my nephew who had it when he was young. Well it can't hurt can it? I am hurting all those people around me including my brand new 2nd wife of a few months and how ironic (or sad) that my new marriage is starting to go down the same drain as my first although my first lasted 15 years. My second may last 15 more seconds unless I seriously do something about my temper and anger issues.

This is the first step....my first step.

I really dont know what to say other than I have googled anger management and ways to handle anger and the like and my brother, sister and mother all suggest medication to handle my outbursts and as I said above that my mother thinks that ADHD is a great starting point with my counsellor when I see her this week.

I have always been a highly strung guy but I never got into any fights at school or even at the pub. I was not that type of guy. If anything, I was quiet, reserved and shy. I became more adventurous and a free spirit in my 20's but my mother and grandmother always said that I had a short fuse. I was not fully aware of it because the fits of rage I found myself in included moments of time that I could not account for. In other words, I could hardly recall what just happened for those few seconds, maybe 20 seconds of rage?

Fast forward 20 years and my 1st marriage ended as a result of continued alcohol abuse and that when I was told to stop drinking, that I would become argumentative and angry. Initially only verbal abuse ensued but I guess over the years, the threat of physical terror was too much and I was wondering what I did wrong (because I could not remember what I did wrong or why I did it). Sure there are moments when I do recall things but they are on the scale of about a 5 out of 10 in terms of the rage factor and I guess when alcohol is in the system, then that number can hit the dizzy heights of 8,9,10 or higher which in writing this, is scary to me let alone those around me.

My wife took my 2 children and I dont see my daughter at all but I have my son on a shared basis. My ex wife hardly talks to me and is still angry with me over 5 years on.

A few years ago, I met my beloved 2nd wife who is eveything and more than I could wish for. A beautiful, caring and sweet lady who floats every boat I have BUT I have this thing inside of me that I cannot control sometimes. What it is, I dont know? \

She has seen the demon inside of me and felt its wrath in various ways and although supporting to this point, how long before she leaves me to my own demise?

I have been told by my wife and many friends and family members that I am the perfect husband, father and brother and son 98% of the time but when the wind changes direction....it all goes south. It can start from the most trivial thing including criticism about the way I do something or the manner in which I may speak. Silly things that you would laugh at 99% of the time to be honest but that 1% of the time, it drives me nuts and I have this moment of sheer explosive temper and rage that I cannot explain. It frightens those people around me who have somewhat got used to it but I want it gone.

Where to from here? Clinical Psychologist appointment this week to assist me in my diagnosis and to perhaps embark upon this ADHD path and one in which I am looking forward to taking to rid myself of my demons and get my life and marriage back on track. On track to love, passion and happiness in which I hold these values so dearly now.

I sincerely hope I havent upset anyone here as my story is not unique, particularly to this forum, but given I am writing it from Sydney, it goes to show that this is something that crosses many oceans to faraway places, even in beautiful Sydney.

The reason for writing today is that I need to purge my soul and try and show someone, maybe myself, that I am taking the steps to a better life and in it, a better person in myself.

Stay tuned........ :)

Good luck to you!  I hope it

Good luck to you!  I hope it all goes well.  Thank you for sharing and baring your soul from the other side of ADHD.

Good luck to you! You're

Good luck to you! You're right...this is the first step to a better future for yourself and your family. It will be a long hard road so don't get discouraged. Focus on bettering yourself for yourself and the positive results will reflect out onto your family. :-)

I'm So Exhausted's picture

"I have been told by my wife

"I have been told by my wife and many friends and family members that I am the perfect husband, father and brother and son 98% of the time but when the wind changes direction....it all goes south. It can start from the most trivial thing including criticism about the way I do something or the manner in which I may speak. Silly things that you would laugh at 99% of the time to be honest but that 1% of the time, it drives me nuts and I have this moment of sheer explosive temper and rage that I cannot explain. It frightens those people around me who have somewhat got used to it but I want it gone."

With such great insight, I am wishing you all the best.   This passage of words is a great explanation of what what we, on the receiving end of ADHD behavior, feel.  After a while that small percentage overshadows the rest.  

I believe in the truth that if you focus on changing your own behavior, the positive response of those around you will amaze you!!!

Explosive anger

Graeme,  I am fairly new here and recently noticed your post. It is perfectly possible to have other neurological conditions coexisting with ADHD which include explosive outbursts. My husband has this problem and has often said in the past that he has no idea why he gets so angry. Recently we've turned our attention to the possibility of consequences from seemingly minor head injuries.  He has ADHD and was hyperactive as a child, teenager & even now (when the ON switch can be found and suddenly flips on!). He had one particularly bad playground fall at abt age 5, several motorbike spills and a couple of likely concussions from football.  I'm mentioning all this to see if anything might sound familiar with you or if you can recall seemingly minor accidents just in case this is a factor - you might ask your family if they can remember anything that seemed minor at the time.

My H is only recently (1 yr) diagnosed with ADHD but his psychiatrist perked up when he heard the history and has started him on an anticonvulsant/antiseizure med (in addition to his ADHD meds, we may get brain scans too if we can afford it). My real point is that there are meds out there that do work for many, that might work for you, and that you should not be discouraged if you don't find the right combination immediately. A Dr who will listen closely and is experienced with adult ADHD will be really helpful (we seem to have been really lucky so far with this) so if you don't feel that you are being heard then find someone else if at all possible - there is hope.  Let us know how you are doing - the first step of opening up to a Dr may be dauntingly hard but every journey begins with a single step.