Big heavy sigh! I hope this is an active sight, because I have reached out before and most sights are from years ago.
My partner and I have been together almost 4 years. Of which, most have been hell! In our 3rd year, we went to counsling as a last stitch effort. The counselor turned to me and asked if I had ever looked into what it is like to be with someone who has ADHD. We knew she had it, but not the far reaching affects. We both work with children and were familiar with the effects on them and their parents/family but never thought or were educated on adults with ADHD. Well, after much work on my part---just after her 43rd birthday, she got on medication for the first time ever in her life! A life that has been plagued with chaos, self medicating (addiction), impulsivity, obsessive behavior, you name it---a roller coaster existance! It has been about a year now and things/life is definitely improving. It is like she can make the connections to her choices.....and remember the choices she makes! She can even reflect on her past and make connections there. We have some lingering problems and still some unanswered questions. One of our lingering problems is in having to heal misconceptions from the years we spent together prior to her medication. We, sometimes can fondly refer to it as pre-strattera and post-strattera. About the time she finally (begrungingly) got on her medication we opened a childcare business, moved into a new home and have battled to make all this work. Not just out of financial obligation.....but out of love and the desire to spend our life by each other's side. BUT, it has been a long, painful, and emotional road! A childcare family, with one of the moms having ADHD, recently gave us the book "the ADHD effect on marriage" and thus I found this web sight. So, perhaps more hope is around the corner :)
Here are a few of my questions:
1. My partner seems to think that her medication alone will make it all better. But I've read and basically summized that after 43 years she has built in some beliefs, habits, and perceptions that will still not serve her today: things such as procrastination, impulsivity, passive aggressiveness, defensiveness, disorganization, etc. That these things need to be relearned and can only be done with the help of a behavioral Therapist. I mean, I have had 48 years to learn from my mistakes. She basically has had a year! Am I incorrect? Does all she need to do is pop a pill?
2. Kind of along those lines is this: how much will she be able to learn to control her impulsivity? How much will she be able to learn to remember to tell me things? I get so nervous when I am not Around her because I wonder what she is getting caught up in and agreeing to! I also wonder how much her obsessive thinking will improve? These things are taking their toll on me! I feel as though we start off playing a nice tennis volley only to have her start bombarding me with balls (ideas) as the week goes on. By the weekend I am exhausted and realizing I haven't done a thing for myself!
3. Again, on those lines......how much does lack of sleep play a part in this and in her medication actually working. She is suppose to take 4 a day......but she is all over the board.....2 today.....3 tomorrow.....4....then 2...then 2 then 2 then 4, 4, 3, 4, 2 ..etc.
4. Also the hyper focusing. Will that get better? Her intensity with issues is just overwhelming! Some things can be handled now and some things can wait. She struggles big time with this, and it impacts me negatively on a daily basis! It impacts our business and our home life! Every day, numerous times a day, I have to say "slow down! She thinks she is being so productive handling things.....but she jumps the gun, forces the issue and then forgets the other stuff that needs to be done. And she moves sooooo fast that often I can't be involved or make sure it gets done rights ( mostly refers to our business, but sometimes it also affects our personal life). And it can really hurt and cause more frustration and problem solving on my part. Then while I'm problem solving and putting out fires.....she is off creating new issues! Errrrrr