First time poster - non ADHD spouse - struggling

My husband and I have been together 7 years;  it was second marriage for both of us and we blended families.    Yes the courtship was so attentive and we ended up joining households very early.   Just before Covid my husband was laid off from his retail management job.   He's also been through a major organ transplant and 3 joint replacements.    Given my job is an executive level,  we could afford to live on my salary and he was able to stay at home through Covid.   Subsequently we discussed that we should do our best to preserve his body and he'd stay retired.     He's struggled with purpose.    He worked high volume retail and coached a sport very competitively.    I thought retirement would be freeing for him but he's lost purpose.

Well the lack of purpose he's depressed and jumps from hyper-focus to hyper-focus.   I don't trust him with money.    He went through a hobby collectible hyper focus that spent thousands of dollars.   I ask for minimal money for the household but then have limited pocket money, while he has a couple hundred to just blow weekly.    The usual chores dysfunction - just easier to do it myself.

We are seeing therapists separately and together.    He now identifies his issues but we are making no progress.    I find if I try and express my needs I'm "controlling" and he double downs on his position.

I'm working my way through the book but I feel so alone in my marriage.   He thinks I'm insecure by feeling ignored, but well sounds like I react like the non-ADHD spouse.     He pushes himself hard with friends and I get the grumpy sick version.  

Partly just needing to vent, but need some encouragement to keep movingi forward.