Fixing the ADHD vs. getting things done

 I guess I don't understand why we "non's" of ADHD'ers are told we are trying to "fix" our spouses ADHD. Most of the time we are trying to help things run smoother instead of having so much CHAOS all the time. The stress of trying to have as "normal" a life as possible, but always finding ourselves in extremely difficult situations, is a frustrating thing. Those of us who have had multiple years of undiagnosed adhd have lived a life of such confusion, that it's hard to understand the differences between "fixing" and "being able to get things accomplished with the least amount of stress". Could someone please explain the difference. THANKS.