Floored by the magnitude of this issue

This is my first post (although I did write a reply earlier). I am an undiagnosed adhd male in my second relationship. My wife, a good person by all accounts, has become the same angry, hurtful and physically aggressive person that many of the wives and girlfriends on this forum have become. I, in turn, clearly am the idiot with the same mental illness that the husbands they refer to are. Shockingly, I read through a dozen posts and their comments only to realize how much of an evil bastard I have inadvertently been all this time. Not having friends, being in a strained relationship with my extended family, struggling to keep a job, exasperating every woman I'm with and being a negative influence to every child I would ever sire is clearly what the future holds. Unfortunately, my wife does not believe in adhd and thinks I'm just some combination of evil, selfish and incompetent. All I need to do is wash the dishes more and save more money and react to things better and be nicer and more attentive and bantery and empathetic and everything will be okay again. I will have earned back intimacy, friendship, employability and my right to be a man in the eyes of others. The truth is, the more I have tried doing one or all of the above, the worse my lot becomes for failing in other areas. The result is always some sort of apocalyptic event: family life improves slightly but I lose my job. My job improves slightly, but I am on the brink of divorce or child hates me. I am waiting for my first medical appointment where I get meds that hopefully can "turn me into a worthy father, husband and friend". I know that sounds ridiculous, but I need to have faith and I'll give it a couple months. If they don't work, I will file for divorce for the sake of my family. My wife can live in peace, happiness and freedom. Well at least not war, sadness and slavery like the women in this forum. She can find a real man - which breaks my heart to have to say. But look at me: most men without my screwed up brain would be a better husband and step-dad to our kid than I could be anyway (I'll still support them of course, luckily I make a decent salary. I can keep a job without an issue if I focus on it to the exclusion of everything else). Hopefully that does not have to happen. But there is no way I am going to allow my wife and child to endure more than a season more of my evil madness. Why should they waste their lives on behalf of my soon to be diagnosed insanity?