Forgetfulness is so hurtful

My husband (the partner with ADD) has a terrible problem remembering things, but primarily anything that has to deal with me or the kids.  Whether important, like a neurologist appt for our son, or not so important.  For Christmas, my husband actually forgot all about my present.  He actually ordered it himself, the coffee pot I showed him online.  I guess I should be happy that he actually ordered it himself, usually I order my presents on my own.  When it came he wouldn't let me see it, even though I knew what it was.  I thought, wow, I might actually get a wrapped present this year.  No such luck.  The box has been in the basement for a week (out of sight out of mind for him).  Christmas morning, it's still in the basement in the same shipping box.  He never even brought it upstairs.  When the kids were done with their presents, I went downstairs and got it out of the shipping box and brought it up myself.  He never even apologized.  But that doesn't matter-how can you make up for forgetting your spouses' present?  To make it worse, my daughter saw the coffee pot and asked about it, I can't remember her exact words but she knew he forgot and didn't even wrap it for me.  Then she says, that is really mean.  I didn't know what to say to her about that.  Yes, it is mean.  He gets mad if I try to tell him that his forgetting makes me feel like he doesn't care.  He thinks he cares so there is no problem.  My sister died in July, somewhat unexpectedly.  He has not once asked my how I am doing, not even after her funeral.  Not during Thanksgiving or Christmas, my first holidays without her.  Not once.  It's like for him it never happened.  I'm just so fed up and very hurt.  What do you do when your spouse doesn't think anything is wrong and doesn't believe you when you try to talk about what bothers you?