I have turned a corner in my focus. I am trying hard to stop my habit of 'being the victim". I am letting go of many thoughts and actions that had me tied to a life of negativity with H. The "letting go" carries with it some grief and sadness because it was a way that I could feel "connected" to my husband. Being part of a loving union with someone holding hands through life. He was rude, unconcerned, disconnected to me for over 40 years and I was trying to make it be something other than it was, I was trying to make HIM be something other than he was. Letting it go is difficult because I thought I had so much invested in our marriage and family. What I had invested and let go of was my self. In letting go of wanting something I can't have with H, I am enabling my self to live a life. Right now it seems that my life is worthless and dreary. But I will work on finding paths and people and situations where I might let my light shine again. Who am I without H? Something better, maybe. While I am blaming H, being negative, sitting in self pity, I am not much other than a person sitting in victimhood. I MUST CHANGE.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in thinking that forgiveness is just about something you “should do”. But forgiving can in a practical way be extremely beneficial for you. When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what s/he did over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too. When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free too from all of that agony.