Forgiveness gives Hope

My non-add wife after leaving for two nights came home and forgave her ADD husband.  Walking and thinking during the alone time gave her the chance to think.  When she returned we shared the longest hug in years and sat holding hands, sharing a few tears.  She is wanting to work things out and she said it will take time.  She told me she wanted to "make me pay", but I don't really understand for what I'm being blamed for and to asked would agitate a raw healing nerve.  Looking back at the last 8 weeks, after the big wife blowup, I'm reflecting on the things I may have done to push her even further away.  The possibility of loosing her had me on eggshells and coming across as needy.  I hyper focused on the items she wanted me to accomplish and on her.  Yes, she is the one bringing home the paycheck, but her need to feel needed in the house was taken away when I started to do everything home related.  We are working on the correct balance of home duties.  I'm now expressing my desires and thoughts by being a partner rather than a doormat trying to please her at every turn.  Respect for ones self will be a pivotal theme in our recovery.  Just a week ago I was told I was no longer loved and today I still do not know the answer, but we did share a laugh over a work conversation last night, so progress.  She knows I love her, so I have stopped telling her daily how I feel about her, most likely I was suffocating her.  As much as I would like some physical human contact beyond the peck goodbye and hello, I'm refraining from pushing for anything more until it is wanted.  I'm now on my 2nd prescribed ADD medication as the first one was taking me on an emotional rollercoaster with a dose of anxiety thrown in.  Treating my ADD with the "wrong for me" drug caused my wife even more stress, and most likely contributed to her anger and frustration.  Her mercy for things real and imagined has played the largest role on moving us forward.  I still think a marriage councilor might be needed, so she and I can gain insight, heal and not repeat destructive behaviors that brought us down our current path.  Though our struggles are still day to day, I now have more hope for our future.  

Hope is a powerful thing

people can accomplish tremendously important things when you have it, and almost nothing when you don't.  I think that works for both ADD and non.....at least in my family.   I hope you make it!!  Sounds like you are on the road at least :)