Freaking out pretty much FIRST POST

Married 40 years, just waking up to this issue. I'm a non-ADHD wife with an adorable, adoring-loving ADHD husband who would throw himself in front of a train for me. He is so wonderful in MANY ways. Super smart, charming to the utmost, can fix absolutely anything except a coffee maker haha and has lived his whole live avoiding the pain of a sick, traumatic childhood using his extraverted salesy joking personality. When we are "outside" our day to day problems, we have fun, we laugh together until we hurt, it just doesn't get any better. But......

Not sure where to begin, don't wish to trash talk my husband so Jesus help me, I can't take this much longer. As a newbie I'm a little skittish about bearing my soul here, will you pick apart what I say? How I describe my pain?  Ok here goes. We are separated. We have worked together in various self-employment home businesses our whole working lives. I am soon to be 72. Haven't retired, the retirement fairy never came. 3 years ago, we bought a few acres that had 6 old cabins on it and renovated them for vacation rentals. 4 renovated so far and booking like crazy. But working together has its ups and downs. The ADHD "issue" has never come up before, although I knew something was terribly wrong and just didn't get the memo until recently. I realize it's not just him, that we both need help.

What I am looking for here is someone to help me, as a non-ADHD wife, to help me navigate these prickly waters of discovering the ADHD/Non-ADHD life and learning about this issue. Is there such a thing as a coach or sponsor? Anybody willing to work with me? I am reading THE ADHD Effect on Marriage at the moment but only in the first parts. The whole thing scares me and terrifies him. We will be coming together this week to discuss things and I am scared.

Thanks y'all.