Hi, I'm new to both the wonderful website and this blog. Within 5 minutes of exploring the internet, I came to ADHD and Marriage...and I'm so glad I did. Both my husband and my stepson have ADHD. My stepson lives both at our house and his mom's and at 18 is displaying less of the ADHD symptoms; however, when he lived with us full time, the fights and drama between him and his dad (my husband) were out of control, so although I do miss my stepson not being with us all the time, I don't miss the fighting. However, the reason I'm on this blog, is that I'm finding it so difficult living with my husband. He is a surfer, which in many ways is his therapy and I understand that, without surfing, I would have left a long time ago. However, that is all his life..he gets up at 4.30 and surfs, no work on the house, no help, just an obsession with surfing. Our son's room and garage are places full to the brim with rubbish of my husband's. I can't control these areas, so shut the doors and ignore them. My husband is a hoarder and says so himself. But even though the mess and hoarding is something I can work with, although frustrating, I'm finding his moods and outbursts distressing. We have been married for 12 years and together for 16. It has never been smooth between us and to be honest I initiate most things, dates, trips, outings and sex. My husband is a charming man, can be funny and charismatic. However when he is feeling overwhelmed, which frequently happens (daily) he begins shouting, swearing and even blaming other people, for something which he has broken himself. I love my husband, but after years of this behavior, I'm feeling despondent and thinking I'm a fool to continue. I'm trying to not take this personally, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. We have a 10 year old daughter and the strain is also affecting her. I've tried a variety of methods, mainly calm, but after a while it is frustrating. He appears in a constant state of anxiety or panic. He has never taken medication and never sought help, but I'm at my wits end. When I talk with him calmly about his outbursts he starts getting agitated saying he has to rush, have a shower, eat, surf...never staying still for minutes at a time until he has exhausted himself to the point where he collapses and goes to bed. I'm torn between being sympathetic and trying to understand ADHD, and feeling hurt (at his inappropriateness in public, control over many situations and backtracking after lying) and resentful for putting so much effort into the relationship. I wish my husband well, but don't see how to continue. My energies should be on my daughter (and stepson). Thank you to this website and all those who contribute. I didn't feel alone this morning and reading your blogs has helped me understand some more about this condition.