I could make this out to be a really long post, but to get to the crux of the matter I feel like my husband, deep down (or not so deep down), really does not want to work. He has a very low-paying job at a hotel right now, which I think he has managed to stick with for the last 4 years because his boss is, in a very dysfunctional way, his "friend." The job is also lower stress than a lot of other jobs, and hubby gets to bring his Nintendo DS to work to play with most days. He still complains how much he hates the job, however, and the customers, and his boss, and so on. He hates everything about it and often says something to the effect that he can't handle this anymore and doesn't want to be there. I have made comment that he cannot leave without having another job lined up, and I have openly remarked that I feel like he is just trying to "run away" and that he does not really want to work at all. He has not disputed this claim. In fact, in the past he has openly admitted he has never wanted to work.
Everything is always somebody else's fault, not his. For example, a co-worker once called him to complain that he did not count down the drawer at the end of his shift. Instead of having any shame about it, he got angry about "who is she to complain to [him]? She's not my boss!" making this all about her "transgression," while completely ignoring his own. I feel like his goal is to get fired while at the same time appearing to be a victim of circumstance, thereby receiving pity and care from those around him.
Hubby has had a very spotty work history before this job, with a long line of fairly short-lived, relatively easygoing, and invariably low-paying gigs, so this lousy job is still probably the best job he's ever had. That being said, his poor attitude, the low income from the job, and his lousy work schedule (coupled with a prohibition on requesting time off) makes this a very flimsy and undesirable situation. I think if he were to be fired from this job he would consider it a relief, or even a favor. I don't feel like he wants to get another job, or put in the work of refining his resume, job searching, interviewing, all of that. I think his dream is to be unemployed and at home with his video games. He has an absurdly low stress tolerance, and an extreme fixation on living in a fantasy world where success is assured. We have dreams (that we supposedly share) of travelling the world, and while I have put in the time and effort to get into a job with the hours and pay to allow for this dream to be realized, he mostly just impedes us. I feel like video games are his opiate; we can talk about things he ought to do, things he should read, he makes promises, he receives advice from his counselor, but nothing ever gets done because he does not want to think about anything potentially uncomfortable. Every moment is filled with video games, if he can help it. He'll say he is going to do something and a second later he is back in front of the games!
Something hubby enjoys doing is making video game banners (gratis) for people on video game forums. Someone recently approached him about designing a graphic for their video game website, and offered about $100-$150 for him to do it, and also said they would promote his work on the site. Golden opportunity, right? Nope - he hasn't worked on this commission at all, because suddenly the creative inspiration has left him. He definitely doesn't like it when things get too "real."
He's been in counseling for years, but nothing seems to improve. We are trying to take a very targeted approach to addressing his ADD problems now that our insurance situation has improved, but the sessions are too far apart, the psychiatrist is an idiot, and we just started with a psychologist who seems promising, but change comes too slow, and I don't know if this underlying lack of motivation is something that can even be changed. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is an underlying lack of motivation to work something that can be changed through counseling, or is this just how he will be the rest of his life?