I find myself still so frustrated with the breakup of my almost 3 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. My logical non-ADD mind tells me I cannot control another, let alone a man with ADD, but damn if the heart just won't follow. Our first year was great and his creative, adventurous, and child-like sides were all so charming. He was oh so opposite to me in many ways as I am a type-a, uber organized structured person. I just also happen to have a wild side that he fit right in with. At first I enjoyed doing so much for him, and he was always appreciative, but as time grew on and problems piled on, I grew more resentful. There were problems with his family, his company, both of my parents fell seriously ill. And not only did I make time to support him, I still did all the things I normally did for him, plus some. There was no support for me really, as he couldn't focus on all of this and only focused on his family problems. Now, of course - he thought he was supporting me (how I ask and it gets ugly). My resentment turned to anger, turned to rage and I became someone I really hated. I yelled, screamed, threw things, threatened. There were many many times we'd come back together and work on things, but the old problems resurfaced. He had been diagnosed in his early 20's but did nothing about it. We talked a lot about ADD and while he understood, he never quite put much stock into how it fed into the resentment. He beloved and I think still believes that I was the angry, throwing things girl. That was the "real me" that was hiding for so long. I KNOW I wasn't, I'm ashamed, but I’ve forgiven myself and worked on anger skills. Fast forward to the last six months or so - not only did my ex get a formal diagnosis and begin to work on his ADD, our external lives settled down (his company, his family, my family). We still kept in contact, but didn't see each other very often. I was thinking wow - what a great time we can now focus on us and rebuild this relationship. His answer was "too much has happened to get over" and "while I thank you for sticking with me and helping me see the ADD (and that most people would have just left), I can't get over the past". He can't get over me feeling that he took advantage of me (ummmm....ADHD symptom anybody?? ) Ugh! I gave up trying to show him how most of these thing could be attributed to the symptoms, but it's easier for him to blame me. I've stopped trying to analyze "what's he thinking" and have moved to accepting it. But damn if it doesn't seem such a waste to go through that to give up just when things are getting better - both of my therapists think the same. I know in my heart he loved me, I really do. I feel sad for him, I do. And for me. I will be fine in the long run as I choose to work on myself. He on the other hand, will follow the same patterns that he did. Thanks for listening and anyone with similar feelings or any ADD partners who care to chime in, I welcome your comments.
Submitted by kit_kat_lover on 04/02/2012.