Frustrating in being the "identified patient"

I'm a 57 yr old man diagnosed w ADHD in my forties. I've been married 14 years and we have a 12 yr old daughter. This is the first marriage for both of us. In the beginning, our vast differences (her type A personality and my left brain ADHD) were complimentary and sometimes funny. We even worked together for a few years at my creative agency. But after about 5 years, as the household and familial challenges increased, our differences began to divide us. What I'm struggling with is, I feel I'm mindful and respectful about how my ADHD can be disruptive and a source of our various disputes, but when is it OK for me to stand up for myself and say, "OK, I've owned this. But it frustrates me to always have a finger pointing at me and my ADHD when something is 'wrong' between us."  In addition to having ADHD, I'm a pretty decent guy that exhibits and behaves in many neurotypical ways. Does anyone else struggle with this?