I haven't been here in awhile but had a huge fight with my husband last night and I'm feeling in need of some venting. I'm 3000 miles from home because we are out of state attending my father-in-law's memorial service. My FIL died a couple of months ago so all of the planning and preparing was done before we got here. We couldn't fly in to help right after he passed because we only had the money to make one trip (because my husband hasn't worked in a couple of years) and my MIL wanted us to be here for the service. I had been saving for a small vacation anyway so I made arrangements to come be here for 4 days for the family then go on vacation for 5 days about 3 hours away from MIL's house so we could relax afterwards (I haven't had a vacation in years). But things have now blown up in my face and my husband says it's all my fault.
Ever since I arrived I've been cooking for his relatives and helping out. I've done the grocery shopping and errands because there was nothing here to eat and lots of things that needed to be done (even though we had been told everything was taken care of). My husband on the other hand has been preoccupied with his boat. He wanted to take it with us on our vacation, and I know he will make my life miserable if he doesn't get to take it, so he has been busy repairing it so it's sea-worthy while I cook and clean and shop. So two nights ago while we are eating dinner he makes some negative comments about the food that I had prepared. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it but he had to say what comes to mind and he was critisizing how I seasoned the meat. As usual, I just jokingly played it off even though I was hurt and embarrassed. (And by the way I seem to have to do this every time we go somewhere because he is always opening his mouth and making a fool of himself or being rude to someone for no good reason). Then last night he did the same thing and that was just the last straw. I got up and walked out. Today I have been alone all day and tomorrow is the service. I don't feel like going because I don't want to see him and I don't want to be around his very ill-behaved grown children. I was planning on just getting a flight back home this afternoon but the price was so expensive I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Plus I will lose the full amount I paid for our vacation rental. There is nobody here for me to talk too because they are all his relatives and I can't call and talk to my friends and relatives because they don't understand why I'm with him in the first place. I feel very alone and I just want to run away!
It seems like my life now consists of me crying or us arguing. I have a hard time letting things go when they affect me too. I also have a hard time dealing with his lack of filter (what comes to his mind comes out his mouth) and the procrastination and the lack of work ethic (he says he isn't going to stress himself out working jobs that are demanding and so far in our 8 years of marriage he hasn't found one that isn't). All of the stress is always on me. Funny how I wasn't stressed before we married and I was doing the same job I am now. But now I have a grown man-child to care for who always seems to be causing some sort of problem and I find myself constantly stressed and angry. I'm sick of the name calling and threats when things don't go his way. I feel like a fool to have stuck around this long but every time I threaten to file for divorce he starts making threats about destroying my life. UGH!