Gender matters; and so do our individual traits

I am the non-ADD spouse and I am a woman.  Even though I am the non-ADD spouse, I have the following traits:  1) I do not think I am perfect.  2) I do not think that all the problems in my marriage were caused by my ADD husband.  3) I have low self-esteem.  4) I do not enjoy mothering my husband.  

I also have the following traits:  1) I think it's OK to get angry sometimes.  2) I'm sometimes a bitch.  3) I try to treat people nicely even if they treat me like crud.  4) I would throw myself in front of a train for my children. 5) I feel responsible for every darn thing that goes wrong in my marriage and in my life.  

I really like this website and I find it very useful to come here and learn about and from other people's experiences.  But I don't like the fact that some people assume that because I'm the non-ADD spouse, I behave in a certain way or that because my husband has ADD, he behaves in certain ways.  Just as we should not define people with ADD by the fact that they have ADD, we should not define spouses, partners, and significant others by the fact that they are in a relationship with a person with ADD.