Getting through stuff 'together'

I find it difficult to accept a lot of the feedback here.  I'm not religious, so god ain't getting me through this. I also believe in my husband and know full well what he is/isn't capable of. While I concede that ADD impacts on the way we live our lives, as well as accept that, at times, I need to meet him beyond the middle, I have never been the romantic type and I have never expected my husband to fulfill any void in my life. I don't have an unattainable vision of the perfect relationship. And after observing his behaviours early on (which I simply accepted as his quirks) I learnt quick smart that I need to ask for my needs to be met, rather than hope he will figure it out. For the most part, he did and we managed well enough. We lived for years without ADD being overwhelming (yes, it was there but it was easy enough to work around) and its only our current situation which has exacerbated things to a point that is no longer tenable.

My point is not to criticse other people and their coping mechanisms (i truly respect that we all need to get through this in our own way). But, personally, I'm having a rough time and would love to hear from some like minded people, that is, people who have faith in their partners.

My husband doesn't plan/manage his time with his loved ones i.e. friends/family.  I encourage him, time and time again to go and visit people and spend time with them but I dont see it as my responsibility to organise it for him (although, perhaps i will from now on?! any thoughts). 

My problem is that when I recently asked for him to take leave, so that we can spend some much needed time together, away from the stresses of daily life, he hijacked it, in order to spend time with all those other people. But when I get upset about it, he thinks I'm being selfish.  The thing is, in the last 18 months, he has used all his leave days for himself/work/family/friends and not one of those leave days was for me. I FINALLY asked for him to take a week of leave so that we can hang out together, get back to our equilibrium. Slowly but surely everyone elses needs have superceded mine. 

He acknowledges that he probably has ADD but he wont do any research so he doesn't see what he's doing.  He makes me feels selfish by explaining that he 'just wants to spend time with his family and friends', and he looks at me, almost as if I'm crazy for not understanding that.  He is loving and caring and kind, which means he loves to please people. Except when I try to ask for my needs to be met (since being in another country), he just cannot see me for who I truly am (intelligent with a big heart). 

I desperately want a third party to explain to him that what he is doing is typically ADD (and that it can be managed).

I would also love for someone to explain that he is not perceiving things correctly. He has got it wrong by assuming that I am trying to sabotage time with his friends/family.  This is absoloutly ludicrous and he truly forgets who I am as a person when he talks to me as if I don't understand. He needs to accept that he is at fault when he doesn't manage/plan time with people and its unfair for him to hijack the plans I make for us as a couple.  He is smart and intelligent and i have absoloutly no doubt that the ADD is stopping him from seeing the reality/me for what it truly is. I know he would work a lot harder to accept these facts if a third party was able to validate them.  Until we go to therapy, he will get away with making me feel like the bad guy. I just want someone to validate me.