Hey my fellow ADHD'ers,
My very supportive girlfriend of three to four years dating broke up with me on the day before Thanksgiving. To be honest, I really really let her down and I am so down on myself. She was always there to nudge me in the right direction so I could continue my education and find something I was passionate about. We moved in together two years ago because she needed a roommate during her marriage and family college courses. Being the caring and supportive person that I am, I jumped at the opportunity to finally take our relationship to the next level. My overly optimistic approach to life and constant internal self-reflection that lead to no follow through were few of the many weaknesses that slowly made me lose myself in the process. I started to stop going to my community college courses, jumped from one job to another job to another job, and lacked the self-confidence to even do anything from all of her friend's and family constantly asking what I was doing with my life. She gave me so many opportunities for us to work it out, but I did not have the time-sensitive urgency and follow through to make it happen. My (ex) girlfriend broke up with me for this following reasons:
- I was not financially stable and jumped from job to job to another job while we lived together.
- The relationship dynamic somehow shifted from partners to a mother/son duo
- Being hyperfocused on the "we", I lost who I was in the process. She something along the lines of "Kevin, I know who I am without you, but who are you without me?" when we broke up.
- Shifting interests and constantly overpromising and underdelivering
- This was the last straw for her the weekend before Thanksgiving, she didn't talk about me passionately or proudly about me when people ask who I am or what I do. She would just give a generic response like "Oh Kevin is a barista now at Starbucks and he's gonna be an Organizational Leadership major at Arizona State University through the Starbucks College Achievement Program
- I am back to square one and writing this from my bedroom at my parent's house. I have asked a few mutual friends how she is doing and I know that she's both mad and sad at me. I did not want to see that this relationship was falling apart and pushed it back to my mind. To be honest, I am both heartbroken and hurt but I am more upset at myself for letting this happen. I always said to her that I did not want a breakup to help motivate me to become a better version of myself. I am so confused and lost right now. I loved her and our dog that we adopted together so much but I cannot even make a damn thought into an action. I don't know if I am even ready for another relationship and I will be honest that I am not sure we will ever get back together. I can only control myself going forward from now on and building myself into a better financial and passionate individual. Whatever happens, will happen.