Girlfriend thinks I'm constantly eyeing up other people



  I'm 21 and have recently been diagnosed with ADHD, looking back now I have always showed signs of it since a young age ( easily distracted, bored easily, daydream, completing tasks on time, really forgetful etc.). My girlfriend has got very annoyed with me on multiple occasions because when we walk along the street I tend to drift off and would keep on looking at things around me, whilst not actually paying attention to what I'm seeing and just daydreaming. When she see me looking around she believes I'm checking out other girls when it is not the case. I have tried to explain to her my situation but she dismisses my explanation. She also believes I don't care about her even though I do but I find it hard to express my feeling and she is the only person who I have truly loved. I admit that I get frustrated really easily and we have a lot of arguments which start from me getting frustrated. Even though I have tried to show I care for her and love her, she keeps telling me I need to show her, I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her but I don't know what to do!


Been there...

Back when I was 21, I was in my short-lived disaster of marriage. I did not get diagnosed until age 43, but I was accused many times of "Checking Out" women when I was out with my now X-Wife. I would explain that motion caught by my peripheral vision would cause me to glance over. It did not matter what or who walked by she would only notice if a good looking girl walked by... I did not know why I was always looking around, but I knew I did always look around. If your girlfriend does not know much about the effects of ADD you might suggest reading Melissa's book or reading a little on this site. Are you taking meds? They will help keep you more aware of your behaviors and help to keep focused on her. I remember really working to only focus on my future wife at the time, because she had said how rude it was when guys looked at other women while on a date. I knew I wanted to keep her, so I really worked on that one. It was one of my first boundaries set for me, which you will read a lot about on this site, and I did not know it was already helping my unknown ADD.

Good luck!




Double Whammy

I can relate to this issue as a non-ADHD spouse.  Both of you are suffering both from the Look! Look! tendency of ADHD, plus the tendency of your spouse, because you might occasionally IGNORE her, to put the worst face on it.  I.E., you don't pay any attention to her, yet you're paying attention to other women.  I dealt with this long ago.  I used to say "yeah, but she probably can't spell", we'd both laugh, and he learned to curb it with practice.  YYZ is right, this won't get better without knowledge.

summerwine's picture

I do the same thing and I'm a

I do the same thing and I'm a woman! I just watch whatever is going by as I space out. My dad used to tease me that I needed blinders like the kind that they have for horses. You can tell your girlfriend that even Hetero women with ADD stare at other women without thinking. I have big mirrored sunglasses and they hide my eyes I wish I could wear them inside.