The Good, the Bad and the Paranoid

First of all, I'm new to this forum.  Today is my first day, and this is my first post.  I happened upon this website accidentally while trying to research info about ADHD.  My husband is undiagnosed, but he has ALL of the symptoms:  I want to clarify that I love him, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him.  I can't imagine my life without him...he's a great guy, and he is a wonderful man, but there is just something wrong...and it's ADHD.

Trouble focusing or concentrating - most times he can't focus under the best of circumstances, and if there is ANYTHING going on around him, he might as well forget it.
Restlessness - he can't relax - he can barely make it through a 30-minute TV show - he always has to skip the commercials and any "boring" parts (aka conversation without action)
Impulsivity - When he wants something, whether it be a new gadget or sex - he wants it right then, and he won't take no for an answer.
Difficulty completing tasks - there are probably 50 unfinished projects around our house - that he absolutely HAD to start right this minute - but never got around to finishing
Disorganization - his truck, his desk at home..all look like a tornado has just passed through
Low frustration tolerance - he can't stand for things to not go 100% smoothly
Frequent mood swings - one minute he's the greatest guy ever, and the next he's SO angry at me (or someone) about nothing
Hot temper - like I said, he gets SO angry, sometimes violent, over NOTHING.
Trouble coping with stress - that's the understatement of the year
Unstable relationships - every day is a struggle for our marriage - and he doesn't seem to be able to maintain close friendships.  

But there is SO MUCH more.  It's all of the little things...he never puts anything away, he always leaves cabinet doors open.  One day, I was about to take out the trash and he said he would do it when he went out.  I said no, I was going to do it because I didn't want it to be sitting around in the house...this escalated into an argument.  I know it sounds trivial, but EVERY time he says he'll take out the trash when he goes out to the shop, it ends up sitting there, beside the door for at least a day, until I take it out.  EVERYTHING is this way.  And then there's his anger/paranoia...he doesn't trust anyone.  One day, he found a reel loosened in his shop, and he SWORE he didn't do it. So, obviously, someone had picked the lock, went in there and loosed up the screws in that one fishing reel - just to mess with him.  That seemed so ridiculous to me.  I really tried to be understanding and supportive, but... it's this way about everything.  At least a couple of times a week, he finds something something is messed up, someone did it to him - he's even accused me of some pretty ridiculous stuff.  I can't go anywhere or do anything unless I do it with his mom or someone in his family - not my girlfriends - because two of them are divorced, and if I go out with them - even to a restaurant - I'll be trying to pick up men.  He accuses me of checking out other guys when we're out.  This has gotten so bad, that I refuse to make eye contact or even look in the general direction of a male.  If I mention any of my male co-workers, I'm attracted to them.  One of my co-workers is a guy that I have known my whole life - he is very happily married with two kids, and we work closely together, but if I mention anything that happened at work, I have to be careful what I say so as not to set my husband off.  

By the way, his mom...has been wonderful.  She is helping me encourage him to see a doctor....

And about the doctor...he went to a doctor last year, but he wasn't honest about what was going on.  Of course, he didn't want me to go with him.  So, he came back with a prescription for a mild form of xanax for his "anxiety."  Apparently, all he told the doctor was that he was overly stressed and he was getting a little angry because of his stress and anxiety.  Then, after he came home, he ended up getting upset at the doctor and said the doctor was just a pill pusher who had no interest in really helping my husband, just getting him hooked on xanax.  Well, the doctor was the same one that I had been seeing for years.  He's a good doctor, he listens, takes time and tries to diagnose - but he can't treat what he doesn't know he has an appointment with a different doctor in a couple of weeks...