I am tired of dealing with it all. The emotional infidelity, the messiness, the financial mess. All of it. And because of our financial situation, I am stuck. I go back and forth- not even sure if I love this man. And when I think I do love him, something happens and I get slapped in the face (emotionally). If somehow we end up apart, there will be grief over the loss. 18 years of marriage. The person I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, gone. Grief for my youngest son who would be devastated if his parents were no longer together. But then there would be relief. No more wondering what he is doing and who he is seeing. No more cleaning up his mess. No more watching him spend (that we don't have to spend) on s*** he doesn't need. Oh the glory of a clean house. And being able to just do whatever I want, when I want.
Something has to give, soon. I can't keep living like this.
My husband and I have lived
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
My husband and I have lived mostly apart for almost four years now. Grief and relief describe my feelings well. I've always been willing to work on our problems. He runs away from them and me. (Yeah, I know that I'm the problem, in his eyes.) I think the hardest thing is that he won't admit the contribution of his issues to our problems. And he ignores the fact that he withdrew and then ran away.
right there with you
Submitted by Emily1997 on
We are apart 50% of time, days months at a time in separate countries due to his work. Time together/communication is tense. I've developed health problems. I'm in counseling and must work to calm my physiology to avoid meds for physical issues. He has decided to "choose nice" which helped. We have had more of a business partnership for years but it still hurts. It is lonely and taking a toll. I bounce between sections of the grieving process.
I hope we can preserve our friendship. I've been married 18 years. I question love and myself. I mourned the loss of a life I never had and will never have with him. I mourn the time I was dedicated to making it work. We focused on his career and it is going well but there is the fear that might end also. It still haunts me but I feel I have no more to give.
Kids are resilient and I think you can get help for him and yourself. Do this no matter the outcome for yourself, then your child, then your marriage. Find peace, I'm not there yet.