For those new to the board, I am the non ADD person in my marriage. I have spent years crying and ranting about H. Feeling powerless and stuck. I have come to realize that I can't change someone else. I can only change me and my surroundings. I thought I would share this reading I found on the internet:
HOW TO MATURE AND GROW UP FASTER by Lawrence Wilson, MD. Google this and use it as a tool to get past the stage I was in when I began learning about ADHD. Ranting, crying, being incredulous....looking for a knight in shining armor to save me from my distress!
I believe I had some "arrested development" after I was married to H. I had put all my eggs in the marriage basket and it took all my effort just to keep things afloat. Meanwhile I was not maturing inside myself. I am in my 60s and realize the time I spent "helping him mature, trying to compromise with him and trying to understand him and support him" to be a dependable, conscientious husband (which NEVER happened anyhow) took something away from me. ...my own development.
At this age, I am trying to make up for lost time. Learning how to be mature. I feel stupid that it has taken so long. I didn't WANT to be the parent of a delinquent child (I wanted to be a partner in a cooperative, loving connection). I was in my own denial of how we were both being childish in our own ways. I WANTED to be the loving, playful, youthful married girl in love with her knight.
My children needed me to be sane, confident, assuring, and a model of bravery and character - a responsible, lovely adult. That is what I am trying to be now. It has taken some work to "let go" of my youthful dreams. Unless you happen to married to a knightly guy, we need to be grown up ourselves because our children need us to be adults.
This is my journey. Here is an excerpt in the writing "How to Mature and Grow up Faster".
2. You must learn to be tough with yourself, and very committed. You must stay on your path. You must not waiver in your desire to mature, and you must realize there is a part of all of us that does not want us to mature and succeed. That part will oppose you at every turn. It makes you doubt yourself, hate yourself, and even loathe yourself. You must get tough with it, fight it and defeat it. It is like the story of the dragon that was supposed to protect the damsel in the castle, but the dragon gets “too protective”.....It is the dragon of doubt, fear, confusion, depression, and death. This is the dragon we all have. Maturing has to do with becoming “tough as nails” with it, letting it know its days are numbered, and that it is time for the dragon that may have been useful earlier in life to retire and die. The damsel must affirm that she or he does not need this type of “protection” any more, and that the dragon is now preventing maturity by stepping on opportunities that present themselves at the castle of life.