I am not shock!! last night when DH came home form work he was totally stressed out.He said work was stressing him out and he needed to get out and stress (down),he was pilled out with some un prescribed stress medication from the pharmacy..He wanted to go to the casino,well,before doing so I was at his apartment and for the entire time before leaving home he was totally ignoring me, and I was sooo uncomfortable.Nothing out of the unusual there! I am use to that ignoring by now.When we got there, he was on many many different slot machines, and I was the only one on (one) machine the entire time.He was losing for the entire night which only made his stress level worse.I was winning and that was kind of bothering him, and he was trying and trying,then suddenly out of no where"this" 20 something year old girl was our waitress for the night,(very pretty,about 100 lbs or so,) and DH was staring staring staring her down,that had me really jealous and mad all at once,I had this instant rush of low self esteem,but,I am better now after pulling myself together,very very quickly.I am always coming across some woman that he cannot stop staring down ever so often,but this one was way too much,the girl is sooo young,and that had me feeling really down last night,it caused me to have "mood swings"and anger like crazy also resentment for him,he saw I was mad last night but I blamed it on poor service,but, he knew I was on to him,and he,of course, was trying to defend himself,but he was guilty and he knew it.,it had me feeling like I am too old now all of a sudden, and I am young,younger than him,he is 47, and I am 32,and still he is ogling across these kid girls.Imagine,his mother gave me a beautiful pair of earrings for Mother's day, and he never even noticed that I had them on last night,when I asked him today,he said:"I don't know you had them on,you never told me" told you!!!???? I had them on,then how it is you never noticed them on,well I know it's b/c he was busy watching other women that he never even noticed me.
I don't feel like having sex with him again! I am losing my desire to have intimacy with him,he does not know it yet,but he would soon.
Oh!! and last week at the grocery, he was staring down this pretty little girl,I swear she was only 15 or 16,she was with her mother.
When I confronted him about the (few)things that he was/is doing wrong,he got soo mad tonight and was shouting loud loud and acting all crazy,saying that I am not grateful for the "good"things that he has done so far,and that I should find a next man to gave me the things I want in life.Maybe I will,maybe I should.He has really done nothing more than cause me pain,and I am suffering!! suffering for all the good things that a husband should do for a great wife! I am a great wife! and I have been abused enough by all his actions,when is this ever going to end? with no effort on his side,only on my side.It's like this,he wants me to be forever grateful for the "good"things he has done,and,the bad,well, he wants me to forget them.Hell no!! it don't work soo.When the bad out weighs the good then something is clearly wrong here.
Taking into consideration, I have a 9 year old daughter,that 9 year old will be 18 in 9 years,what if he starts looking at her now,then I think I have a lot of thinking to do now,I better start.
lovehurts.
His EX,
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
Oh,I forgot to mention,his Ex wife emailed me telling me that he loved to surround himself with much more younger people,kid girls in bikinis when he was chartering where he use to live before.Those were one of the many reasons she divorced him.!!
Wow!! go figure,what a AS*ho*e I am.
lovehurts.
ADD or not, who cares...
Submitted by YYZ on
Your DH was acting like a total jerk. I would never stare at a woman with my wife?!?!? WTH??? If I'm out with the guys, I admit that I'll look at a pretty girl, but I never would make a scene. I don't want that kind of attention on me.
I'm sorry I don't have anything enlightening to tell you. As an ADDer, I hang my head in shame that some of us act like this.
You should not put up with it! Hang in the Lovehurts...
YYZ.
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
You are right! he was acting like a jerk,for some reason he is not happy with me and that have nothing to do with me.I think he would never ever be satisfied with whoever he is with.Could be miss universe and there would still be trouble/problems.He did this kind of stuff before with his exes and that is just to show what a complete jerk he really is.I am good though YYZ,I have my whole life ahead of me to look forward too.
You know YYZ,just up my hill here,a man murdered a 18 year old girl out of rage and jealousy when she tried to break off there friendship,and he killed her,slit her throat and stabbed her six times about the stomach,when I think of that well educated,sweet,beautiful little girl,I am soo bless to be still alive and kicking at the age of 32,how this is a blessing.She was the daughter of one of my customers at my cafe.
I am thinking of taking a long long break for now away from him,I don't think that he knows who I am,and how pure my love is,he is taking me for granted,but that's fine,I will be just fine,all the pressure and abuse has to end sometime,better now than never.
lovehurts.
lovehurts
Submitted by NJTWINMOM on
I also feel this way.
The sad part about "taking the break", and I speak from experience, is that while it may do you some good while it's going on, he will take it as a vacation. A reprieve from the "old ball and chain" and he will only do what makes HIM happy.
I hope your situation is different though.
no it's not!
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
I know what he would do if I take a break away from him.He would find a woman and cheat,it is out in the open with his gazing eyes and undressing women with them.I am in no position to really take a break away from him and the only solution,sad to say is to break it off right away.
I love this man with all my heart,but I am fed up policing him around and have to constantly be watching him like a hawk.I am over whelmed.
lovehurts.
Ok you two...I have been
Submitted by Longhaul on
Ok you two...I have been watching both of you, learning from both of you. I am on my second marriage. I was married before for 13 years to same guy. He was addicted to porn, cheated, was abusive bigtime, physical and mental. Now, ADHD hubby now has had issues, but the meds are kicking in. Anyway, I will tell you both this. When I left I instantly felt better. I saved up for 6 months, found a little house, packed my stuff and left when he was gone. If you are staying because you know when you leave he will find someone, he was never there and never yours to begin with. That is what I realized. I found out a lot when I left my x. How men act when you leave is very telling. I will also tell you no matter what age, there is a great big world out there that is so beautiful. I left when my 3 babies were 3,5 and 8 with nothing but the clothes on our backs and their beds. That's it. If you are going to do this, plan. Tell a few people, reach out. PLAN. Just know if you have dealt with what you have for so long, you can easily deal with starting over. I speak from experience.
Thanks
Submitted by NJTWINMOM on
He and I were separated for the better part of last year, and YES, I did feel better (for the most part). We did reconcile and that is when he decided he had hit his "rock bottom" and let me tell him what doctors he needed to go to and what needed to be done. He has since started the Adderall. I wish I had the BALLS ( and I mean that with both respect and envy) to do what you did, years ago, when the kids were younger and it all seemed to be falling apart around me. I didn't though.
I never had anyone to reach out to. My Mother and sister only saw this great guy and me...the nasty bitch wife. Mom is gone now, and my sister and I have our own issue and so I have NO ONE. The kids leave at the end of summer for college. He and I will be literally ALL ALONE for the first time in over 18 years. Want to see what that brings...then I will make major life changes if nothing changes. Life is way too short to go on like this.
I had no one either. My dad
Submitted by Longhaul on
I had no one either. My dad was actually mad at me. Not only that, he convinced the whole town I was many things I was not. He told me he would do this.
I also had no one to reach out too. I was one of the quiet ones. I was pretty isolated.
It's never too late for a new beginning.
My husband now just started Adderall. He was just diagnosed at 48. I am hoping things get better and I think they will.
Only you know what is right for you and when it's time, if that time comes. I, to this day, have a "stash" just in case I need it. Hope for the best, plan for the worst is my saying.
:(
Submitted by NJTWINMOM on
Mine diagnosed at 48 as well and on adderall.
Are we the same person?