I feel so alone, misunderstood, crazy, exhausted. My husband has ADD, he is on Vyvanse, we are on our third counselor in 4 years, we have been married 5 years.
He lies to avoid taking responsibility for his actions/inactions, he lies to try and support his argument in a fight even when it doesn't make sense, he is verbally abusive, extremely disrespectful in his choice of words/tone and either not reading my social cues of offense or overreading/exaggerating the social cues, he continues with his verbal assault adding insult to injury and now he is projecting my issues of mistrust with him onto me, even while admitting that I have never lied to him and not being able to give me a reason why he feels he cannot trust me. I do not know how much more I can take of this.
In the last three years I have had three anxiety attacks. I never had these problems before I was married. So now my doctor has me on Zoloft and Xanax, which I have been on now for almost two weeks and I do not feel any better. I HATE that I have to take these drugs so that I can deal with all of this, and worse yet is that instead of my husband realizing that he has contributed greatly to this, he views it as support for his argument that the problem lies with me.
My husband seems to have no empathy, but has great sympathy for himself. He is extremely judgemental. he has unpredictable anger outbursts over things that you wouldn't think would warrant such an extreme response, ex. like crumbs left on the countertop. How could I possibly predict something like that would make him so angry? Of course I realize, and so does he, that he is angry about something else and the crumbs just set him off, but it doesn't stop his berating and critisism.
When I think about our courtship, fraud is the word that comes to mind. I know now that he was hyperfocusing, but how could he be so different? Like a completely different person? I was 30 years old and I had been in enough relationships to know what I wanted in a husband, kind, loving, supportive, someone who understood me and appreciated me, someone who found happiness in taking care of me and in seeing me happy. A partner in creating a life of mutual respect and real love for one another. I really thought I had found all of this in Rick, I am still mourning the loss of the husband I really believed I married...
So when I try to tell Rick how hopeless and alone I feel, that I need him to be the man I married, that I am desprate, he tells me it is my fault because I am closed off and cold to him, that I wont let him.... Again, it is my fault.... I have had to detach from him for my emotional well being but I would happily welcome some real efforts from him. He says he is doing everything he can, but I do not see it, I do not feel it and believe me, I am searching for it.
I am trying to be hopeful that this new counselor will be able to help us, but I feel like she is minimizing our issues into "normal marriage problems" which contributes to me still feeling misunderstood and completely alone. I wonder, if I had physical evidence of his verbal abuse, like a black eye or a bruise, would she still minimize our problems to "normal?"