Submitted by Loopdaloop on 01/21/2022.
Hello
I'm reaching out to people who were previously in relationships where the partner has adhd. Mine ended in the last couple of weeks, I'm sleeping so much better and can make sense of things logically but do miss him and my heart feels broken.
I know every story is different but how long did it take to feel less consumed by it, did they ever try and mess with your head to come back and have you gone on to have a relationship with an a typical partner and hope that compares?
thanks
Yes, mine tried to interfere
Submitted by sickandtired on
Yes, mine tried to interfere in my new relationship. My adhd ex boyfriend hacked into my email and created an email that was almost identical to my new (mentally healthy) boyfriend. He pretended to be him, and said he was just out for my money and then he said he was breaking it off with me. My new boyfriend and I laughed at the ridiculous childishness of the email, how it was immature and full of grammatical and spelling errors. Then my ex wrote him an email, saying I was a heartless monster who would only hurt him. My ex was totally financially dependent on me, and demanded that I give him half of everything I inherited.... just because he did some handyman work around the house while he lived with me. If you click on my screen name, you can read the entire story. He emailed me for years, threatening me with lawsuits, saying I would have nothing if it wasn’t for him, being very hateful but at the same time professing his love for me. He twisted the facts, minimizing his bad behavior, and painted himself as the victim, just like he did in every other situation when he had disputes with others. He secretly stayed in my vacation house for weeks without my permission after the breakup. He stole my car, because even though I paid for all of it, I made the mistake of trusting him, putting his name on the title as half owner, and he changed the title into his name solely, and then creeped on to my property and stole it! Yes, it was very messy getting rid of him because he refused to get a job, but would instead waste HOURS writing me impossibly long emails full of resentment and his endless grievances. I never responded, but they went on for years until he finally stopped writing almost a year ago. I broke up with him in 2015, and later that year I met the love of my life. We got married in 2017. He is wonderful! Cheerful, loving, compassionate, empathetic, smart and reliable! He has a real career and is financially independent! Living with my wonderful husband is an absolute luxury compared to my ex. I would have never met him if I had caved in and let my ex back into my life. I finally have the man of my dreams because I faced my nightmare and ended it.
Starting to feel better
Submitted by Loopdaloop on
Thank you, I am starting to feel better. I had my hair cut start and interestingly I was chatting about my situation with my hairdresser and he said his long term friend has just been diagnosed and also his step mum's partner. Which was sad to hear that someone in their 70s isn't quite happy with their partner.
It's made me more aware that these individuals never change, and are hardwired not to see its from anyone else's viewpoint. Again reading therapy tips about adhd relationship success the non adhd partner appears to have to put up with a lot, lowering expectations which let's face it aren't even that demanding - wipe table, walk dog at certain time. I didn't live with my ex but we spent s lot of time together, and I really can't imagine the sacrifice that you have to make to live with these partners for years. Maybe I didn't love him enough, maybe I loved me more.
I’m so happy for you!
Submitted by sickandtired on
I know with your new insight, you won’t fall for his bs if he tries to get back into your good graces. They can be quite persistent, but you know you don’t want to return to the status of being their mommy, maid, scapegoat, ATM, and unappreciated door mat.
Again SamBam, You can’t expect a free ride
Submitted by sickandtired on
“Loving” someone, no matter how much, will not improve ADHD. Loving someone does NOT include enabling, sacrificing your own emotional or physical health, the stability of your finances, or risking the safety of pets and small children... just for the sake of not upsetting your partner. Do you honestly expect to get better if your partner is saddled with doing ALL of the work??? How’s that opinion of yours working in YOUR relationships???
Please quit blaming the “non” for not putting up with these dysfunctional and sometimes abusive behaviors. Take some personal responsibility for improving your own behavior.
SamBam....As Melissa recently posted...
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Thanks sick and tired and Adele
Submitted by Loopdaloop on
Thank you, well put, it was too Greater sacrifice, in I would have been left a shell of myself.