I feel I am at a turning point. We have been married 12 years and have two children. DH started on adderall last year. I don't know if it is helping or not. It is hard to tell when he as taken it and I hate being a nag and asking about it. Anyway, at Christmas he left my families' celebration right before Santa was coming for the kids in a big huff over something ridiculous. He now is telling me how staying at my parents' house (3 hours away) is miserable and that they are welcome here (ha! I'm sure they feel that way now), and I can go up with the kids, but he won't be going anymore. He understands that I am upset, but thinks that this can just be something separate from us. No there have been lots of issues that I have been able to get past, but I can't do it with this one. I have no desire to be intimate or even do anything with him at all. I have seriously been thinking about divorce, but then think of my 7 and 5 year old. Would that change his temper? No. Would he suddenly be on time for the kids' events? No. I just wouldn't be there to try to smooth things out with the kids.
He is willing to go to counseling, which I am not sure how we will afford, but I can't see this marriage getting any better without trying something. My concern is that the therapist will make him out to be the "bad guy" (in his eyes), and he will refuse to continue. Granted, most of our issues honestly can be traced to him. Of course, I have things I can work on, but truly I am not sure what I could do to make the marriage better. There are moments when I have a glimpse of hope and think, "Yes, we can get through this." and other times where I think, "Things will never change."
So, for those of you in or who have done couples therapy, did it help? Any tips? I haven't even begun a therapist search yet and am not sure who I can get to watch the kids while we do this, but I have to make an effort.