I have been married to my lovely husband for 5 years come july. It is second time around for me and third for him. We began speaking on the internet via facebook we struck up a conversation through taking part in a game it was purely accidental. It took off from there, we were married a year to the day we met, i swore i would never marry again, however i fell hook line and sinker, it wasnt hard as i felt no-one had cared about me as much as this person, no-one listened to me as much as this person. Text messages were intense half hour intervals throughout the day. At one point i thought ...hold on a minit this is a bit OTT. But then i thought that was just him. I had moved in with him after 3 months, we couldnt bare to be apart. I look back and did feel that it was too good to be true but i felt so worshipped and loved i just went with the flow. The first night we stayed together i would wake up and find him staring at me. I was a bit freaked by this at first but then i thought to myself i felt the same way, loved to look at him, i was in love. I have read similiar stories on here the fairytale romance. However it has gone from such heights to feeling like i dont exist anymore and have been wondering what have i done wrong ?
He was in work when i met him and had been in same job for 12 years, but he started talking about finding another job needing more of a challenge. I work full time. He has 2 adult daughters from his previous marriage. In short he left his job, found another only to be made redundant after 7 months and now he has another job. Its all i hear about everyday, every move he has made at work every conversation he has had, i try to speak and he just rolls straight on talking incessantly not listening to a word i say, to a point where i have given up trying to talk. This is only part of it almost like slowly the tap of emotion,feelings, thoughtfulness interest has been turned off it gradually started to run dry. not doing anything together, not talking as it isnt a 2 way conversation, when i express my feelings its almost like he is oblivious in fact he just blanks me untill i get to the point where i could scream and throw things. i tell him he dosent care about me anymore he is not interested in me we do nothing together dont talk to each other, he dosent listen he shows no emotion.
He is always engaged in something on his phone or on the computer. he started having little bets on horses on line. i know he dosent spend a lot of money on it so i dont mind as he works hard. but its first thing he does in the morning and throughtout the day when he is not at work. He used to clean up for me coming home ( as he works shifts ) now he dosent do anything that tailed off quite quickly, i am fed up as i run the household completely. his new job is permanent nights all the more reason for us not to do anything together he is too tired, but yet he has plenty time to be totally engrossed in what he likes doing. He obsesses over stuff e.g, he heard a song on tv within a week he had bought cd signed up to fanclub on face book and sent friend requests and was looking for concert tickets. He wanted a pair of kicker boots he must have spent every waking moment looking on the internet for the right ones. days hours ! He starts to like a tv programme he requests friends on facebook of the actors/actress. it becomes an obsession.
The most frustrating thing is the talking, i have never wanted to tell him he talks too much didnt want to hurt him wanted him to communicate. I find its not a conversation, friends family notice the same thing too, he interupts when they are speaking, ignoring what they have said and carrys on with his own theme. He forgets things. I ask him to do stuff...didnt have time ...forgot. I am thinking things like he is useless hopeless, boring got no interest all the time and it hurts because i never felt like that about him. I have started to think he must be having an affair because i feel like he just dosent see or hear me. He says i am silly and he loves me and there is no-one else. I COULD GO ON !! It came to a head this past week i was thinking over all of the above and the realtionship was over and i wanted to leave i was crying out and he was blanking me saying i was just stupid always getting on at him. couldnt see what he was doing wrong.
Something was missing something was not right, there was something i just could not put my finger on. It didnt seem like normal behaviour either for me to constantly be nagging him only for him to appear like he was on a different planet and not hearing me. His daughters know their dad dosent listen, i feel that sometimes i have to tell him to ring them, invite them over. i feel if i didnt push he wouldnt. He rings them and i can hear the conversation. he asks if they are alright then goes headlong into a conversation about himself. I started to think this isnt normal behaviour, showing no emotion, carrying on as normal whilst i am cracking up. This excessive talking and not listening, must be a word for it, the fact that he goes through phases of being totally engrossed in stuff and then its out the window. i feel like i am an activity he must have been interested in for a while and then couldnt be bothered with anymore. He has been making me feel like a raving lunatic that i am paranoid being silly, because i feel he must have interests elsewhere. I decided to put these charactoristics into an internet search and here i am. Some of the messages on here sound like an exact copy of me, i could have been writing them.
I could sit here all day and write more, i feel so frustrated. We hadnt been speaking for a week, my search led me to look at adult ADHD, i found your website 2 days ago. I feel i have found an answer. Then could this be half of the male population ? I decide to break the silence with steve, i read out some of the scenarios on here. I got him to do a quiz, which said he had mild symptoms however he says knowing what he knows now he may have answered the questions more honestly. He thought oh what now ? I explained to him how i felt in the context of everything i had read. we talked until 4.30 am. cried and hugged. He admits that some of this does sound like him well a lot ! Now i am worried as he is verging on maxing out on info on adhd etc. I realise that i am not the same person that he met either i have been turned into a droning nag. He cant see how his behaviour has helped that happen, until we read some of the articles on here. Is this it has steve got adhd ? It came back to me the storys his mum told about him when he was small, handful, always on go, little sod, his school report chatters too much bit disruptive. He looks back and wishes he had done more at school, feels he could be doing something better, Steve always seems to be a fairly happy person, he never gets angry just stays really calm and dosent say anything. Most of things i read about adhd say they have short fuse etc. he says he is mad inside, but it dosent seem normal to me he just keeps calm exterior, even if the house was suddenly falling on his head. He smokes heavily and he is always getting up and down out of his seat. He is always rubbing his hands and rolling movements with fingers. he seems on edge but he always says he feels chilled, but he dosent look that way. Reading this has helped me want to save my marriage. I told him i have looked and looked for the reasons as to why it has only seemed to go wrong, how much i love him and dont want to nag him. For the first time he listened to what i was saying he says he feels relief. ? I know its not all as simple as that we have to take a real good look at this now and be sure if it is adhd. Does it sound familiar ?