So I've been reading Delivered From Distraction and oh my, it is enlightening. I've been reading tons of books about ADD. As I've mentioned on this board, my DH was diagnosed in college almost 20 years ago, but I never took it seriously (we've been married for 13 years) and he hasn't had any real treatment since he quit taking meds after he became a bit of a "dealer" in college. He had a breakdown of sorts just over a year ago. I went into what I see now was a pretty deep depression, although I didn't realize it because while I've been depressed most of my life, my depression was always more suicidal and this time I didn't want to end my life, I just couldn't deal with what was going on and so I shut down.
Anyway, I've been reading a lot of books and reading Delivered from Distraction has been pretty funny. I took all the self-evaluation tests. I did make it to the end of the long questionnaire, but I was chuckling quite a bit along the way. Not only do I see my DH, I see myself and at least two of my three kids.
So my Dh was saying tonight how he hadn't accomplished much in his life (we're close to 40, we own a home, two cars, a dog, have three very bright kids, he's graduated from college and is a "higher up" in a software development company) and I mentioned how it was a symptom of ADD to feel that you haven't accomplished much with your life when you really have. And he says, GET THIS, he says, "I don't think I have ADD. I think you just have to pull yourself up 'by your bootstraps' and 'get'r'done.'" Honestly, I laughed. I wanted to say, "Are you new here?" but I didn't.
While my tendency is to personalize everything I read, I'm trying to keep in mind that these are his experiences also. I'm trying to let it help me be more sympathetic and yet less, erm, responsible. For example, when he couldn't find the shoes he was wearing yesterday (and hadn't left in the mudroom, where, you know, all the other shoes are, except the ones scattered around the kitchen by my daughter) I didn't let it be a crisis. I scanned the room, but didn't see them. I found them later in a place I would never have looked. But, you know, I don't expect him to keep track of my shoes. I'm very intentional about where I leave my shoes, since if I deviate, I won't be able to find them (a clue that ADD may not be my problem?).
But for him to say, after everything we've been through and talked about, that he thinks he's doesn't have ADD? It makes me want to flick him on the head. Dork. I don't honestly think he was serious. He's really struggling with having a "disorder." I'm trying to help him see that it's part of who he is and it would explain a lot about why our life is the way it is. We're at a point where we can still change the future. The past does not dictate the future. But man, if I didn't laugh, I would cry...