Hi, I am so appreciative of everyone's comments and insight here, have been reading through many posts. I think it may be the only thing to prevent me from feeling more used than I already do right now. But must say that it is the last place I thought would find myself after a 3 month relationship. (with a man having ADD).
I'll try to condense everything...
Basically what I didn't know at the time, and know now from these websites, is the existence of hyperfocusing. I met someone with whom I had never felt such a mental, emotional, and physical connection with, and this man said he felt the same about me. We couldn't believe how lucky we were to have found each other. For both of us it had been over a year since moving on from long-term unhealthy relationships, so the timing seemed perfect. It's not usual for me to get this close to someone so quickly...opening up to him about things some people I've known for years still don't know. We kept saying how great it was we could talk to each other about anything. Have so many common interests & despite how much he's hurt me, I see a good person there.
Although saying he felt he would fall in love with me, I'm the one who ended up falling for him. Just in time for the hyperfocusing to end when his career became too stressful two months into it. Whereas we'd spend days together and I used to get numerous "I miss you's," days would now go by without hearing a word from him. I had become the initiator of all contact. Was so confused, not having fully understood his disorder. I thought he was being a big jerk but guess now I realize he wasn't aware of how much he was leading me on at first (even asked me to not see anyone else). Well at least it makes me feel better to think he wasn't aware of it.
A month ago I asked what was happening, and he asked for space to get his life together, saying it was best for "us." Then he resumed contact a couple days later like nothing was said. I was an emotional mess by then, and didn't understand how he could feel fine. So I brought up my confusion again, and he was very apologetic for hurting me, saying he greatly cares, but then went back to asking for space. Also said he'd like to contact me again to see how our lives are going (not sure what that really means). Well, hearing this, how can I let go of someone I've fallen for, knowing he might enter my life again.
Here's what I am wondering....when the hyperfocus stage is over, do you think it's how feelings are expressed that changes, rather than them disappearing? In any other relationship, I would have said bye and moved on, thinking it's obvious the man's uninterested. But I've never been this confused about a person in my life. I don't know if he's pushing me away as a defense mechanism now that he's aware I'm hurt, cares enough to protect me from a hurtful relationship, or simply isn't thinking about me at all anymore.
Now it's been one month since last seeing each other (only have had a couple of digital communications during this time). I've asked to see him (via email of course), but he's not responding. It's so difficult because I haven't fallen for someone like this ever in my adult life. (I'm in my 30's, him his 40's). I should've known better than to believe the beautiful things he said so quickly, but it felt real. I was saying things too and meant them. I don't fully understand how he can let this go after saying he's never had such a connection with a woman. I don't know what to think. A few months isn't a long time, but we spent so many days & hours together, it feels much longer.
By the way, he is taking meds and sees doctors (for both ADD and Social Anxiety Disorder). Just thought would mention that, because in this situation the problem isn't that he's undiagnosed or ignoring treatment. Which again makes me wonder if this is the best he would ever treat me. In addition to the sadness, I can't help but feel anger that we were so close and intimate, and now I feel like am harassing by asking him to see me for a couple of hours. Doesn't feel right. He said to do what's best for my own interests, yet I feel sick seeing other men. Am trying, and end up thinking about him throughout the dates. This feels so unfinished. I'm fighting the urge to call, or write a letter, don't know what to do. Am not sure if the "No Call" thing applies when ADD is in the picture. I am not into playing games and just truly want to have interaction with him. One of my close family members has a mental illness, and it's not my nature to walk away from someone I care for.
Thanks for reading...I know there's no magic solution, just need to vent to people who understand ADD more than I do. My friends and family don't understand how heartbroken I feel.